Life — December 18, 1902 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

* LIFE Life’s Dictionary of International Biography. THOS A, EDISON. A PROMINENT resident of New < Jersey, at one time a citizen of the United States, engaged in the gen- eral business of putting up and pre- serving electric currents. Not long since that popular god, Jove, compelled clouds as a means of playing to the gallery and got himself greatly noticed. He has been suc- ceeded in business by an individual supposed to be human—one at leas! who has the human attribute of never having attempted to hide his light under a bushel. Probably no man was ever born who contained so much electricity as Thomas Edison. Although he has been giving it away all his life to the world, he is still said to have on hand a large supply, enough, if properly ap- plied, to keep the Democratic party alive for at least three years more. Mr. Edison started in life asa tele- graph operator, and it is said that he could take a message faster than Mrs. Lease of Kansas could talk, a seem- ingly incredible feat. Later on he be- “MY BOY, Tou SHOULD READ YOUR BIBLE; IT 13 WRONG To SMOKE.” “owanl WHEN DRY WROTE DE BIBLE DEY DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT sMOKIN’."" came an inventor, and Ananias took a back seat. Now more people are leading fast lives, due to Mr, Edison, than ever before. At present he is working on a stor- age battery that will enable automo- Tate. “+ Noman ever contained s0 much electricity.” bilists to give their entire time and at- tention to running over people, thus saving much energy that is otherwise a pure loss. When Mr. Edison gets his storage battery completed it is predicted that the life insurance companies will all go ont of business. He is also respon- sible for the phonograph, a machine for the cold storage of language. Even Depew’s speeches, when put into one of Mr. Edison's machines, make an impression. Mr. Edison's favorite occupations are listening to Nicola Tesla, buying up abandoned factories, not being at home, etc. Principal Ohm."’ song: ‘Ohm, Sweet #6 W ELL, we have a fatal disease in our neighborhood.” . “Christian Science ?"’ In Days of Old. T* days of old, the long ago, - When blushing belle and dashing beau Drew round tho cheerful ingleside To play the games of Christmastide, Those merry games, which—comme il faut— Wo of to day vote rather slow; Grandfather nover golfed, I trow, And “ Bridge” was not tho social guide In days of old. A quaint old ago of calico, Of rufMo, frill and furbelow, Au ago of honest, simple pride (When grandmamma was made a bride); Thoy danced, they kissed, and did not know ‘That microbes lurked in mistletoe, In days of old. John N. Hilliard. “Nothing to Arbitrate.” Ts Incubus sat on the Working- man’s shoulders. “Get up,” said the Incubus, as he stuck in his spurs ; ‘ this is a question as to whether we or the miners are to run our business.’” “ But I cannot keep on carrying you unless I get more to eat,’’ said the Workingman, ‘You have a full dinner pail,”’ said the Incubus, as he ordered a bottle and a bird; ‘as for me, although God in His infinite wisdom has given me con- trol of the property of this country, man, I get no more than board and clothes.”’ “But,” objected the Workingman, “ Toften do not get that.”” “Twill give you a library to carry on your back,” said the Incubus. “How could the like of me get a chance to read ?’" “Be content,” said the Incubus, ‘in that station of life to which it shall please me and God to call you.” “But you grow heavier all time,” said the Workingman. « Every man has a chance to ride,” said the Incubus. “ Why didn't you get up here? ‘There's plenty of room at the top.’ '" “I think,” said the Workingman, “it was intended that both of us should walk.” “That,” said the Incubus, ‘‘ is blas- phemy. If I should get off your back, it would shake the foundations of Society.” the Baton Halt, comicbooks.com