Life — December 18, 1902 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE ZOO RACE. Tho animals thought they would have a race; The Monkey was referee ; The Bull akeholder, for, as be sald, be. The Camel got on himself ; The Lion bt and mane; The Tiger stood off ast of bis stripe Was not let to enter again. ‘The Elephant took his trunk along In case he won the prize; ‘The Peacock was starter, and missed no one, For, you see, he was al! eyes. Some spotted the Leopard for winner sure; The old ones chose the Gnu; While those who leap to conclusions quick Bet on the Kangaroo. ‘Tho Ostrich plumed himself on his speed ; All tried the record to wreck; The Hippopotamus blew bis own horn, But the Giraffe, he won by a neck. —Baltimore American. AN ENGLIstt actor tells a story which Mf. A. P. repeats, of an Irishman named Flanagan, who bad been out of work for some time, and at length ap- plied to a circus proprietor for a position. There were no regular places open, but the man- ager looked Flanagan over and sald: “Our largest lion dled last week, but we kept his skin, and if you like to get Into It and be shown as a lion, you can have the Job.” nagan agreed. At the first show the pro- prictor stepped into the cace and said, “Ladies and [ear yl ) sORS hi WLLy gentlemen. To prove the docility of this roaring lion, I shall order him into the cage with a ferocious tiger Flanagan hung back, but the circus proprietor prodded him with a sword and threatened to run him through, and the “Ion” was driven into the same cage with the tiger. There he backed into a corner and cried, “Sbpare me!” Then the ferocious tiger jumped to his feet and answered, “Ye needn't be afraid o' me! I'm an Irishman meself!”—Youth’s Companion, Ucnerm’s work, “With Physicians and Clients,” contains an anecdote about Heine which Is new to us, Returning from a journey to the south of France, Heine met a friend, a German violinist, In Lyons, who gave him a large sausage that had been made in Lyons, with the request to deliver it to a mutual acquaintance, a homeopathic physictan in Paris. Heine promised to attend to the com- mission, and entrusted the delicacy to the care of his wife, who was traveling with him. But as the post-chalse was very slow, and he soon became very hungry, on the advice of his wife, both tasted of the sausage, which dwindled with every mile. Ar- riving at Paris, Heine did not dare to send the re- mainder to the physician, and yet he wished to keep his promise, So he cut off the thinnest possi- ble slice with bis razor, wrapped it in a shcet of vellum paper, and enclosed it in an envelope, with the following note: “Dear Doctor: From your sete’ Investigations, we learn that the millionth part of a certain substance brings about the greatest results, I beg, therefore, your kind acceptance of the accompanying millionth part of a Lyons sausage, which our friend gave me to deliver to you. It homeopathy is a truth, then this little piece will have the same effect on you as the whole sausage Your Heinicit Heine.” = * A NecLrctep opportunity never calls again. Money is king—and at the same time a very in- teresting subject. The hardest woman to please {s the one who doesn't know what she wants, . If you would be a man of mark let the tattoo artist get his work in on you. A dealer in old iron may know nothing of prize fights, yet he’s familiar with scraps. The average man doesn't amount to much when measured by his neighbor's standard. One of two things always happens regarding a habit. You either master It or it masters you Marriage is a rafle instead of a lottery. Ove man gets the prize while the others get the shake It’s wonderful how easy it {s for a small man to swallow his anger when the other fellow happens to be a heavyweight —Chicago Daily News. Motuer: You naughty boy! fighting. LittLe Son: No, mother, “How did your clothes get torn and your face get scratched?” “I was trying to keep a bad boy from hurting a good little boy." “That was noble. Me."—Pittsburg Bulletin, You've been Who was the good little boy Live 1s for sale by all Newsd calers in Great Britain, The Jaternational News Company, Bream's Bullding, Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, AGENTS. Established 1823. | WILSON WHISKEY. That’s All! THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., Baltimore, Md, 200 Dealers in HIGH GRADE INVESTMENT SECURITIES, Transact a Gen- Redmond, Kerr & Co. BANKERS, 41 WALL ST., N. Y. 232 La Salle Street, Chicago. Philadelphia : eral Foreign Graham, Kerr & Co. | aad Domestic Issve Lavrmns or Caxprr tn Sterling, France, Marts | or Dollars, payable 1a. all parts of the world. | ness. Banking Busi- “a Genuine Old Brandy made from Wine.” —Medicat Press (London), Aug., 1899. MARTELL’S THREE STAR ATALL BARS AND RESTAURANTS, Jen Oriental Rugs, Indian, Turkish, Persian, Much Below Regular Prices. Sizes from 8 by 10 to 13 by 18 ft. Desirable Colorings and Qualities. Rroadooay Ko 1946 ot. NEW YORK, Esterbrook| on a pen is an absolute guarantee of its excellence Inflexible| Accountant’sasiiPen. Fine and Firm Points. Over 150 \\ varieties of other styles to suit! every pu stationers Accept no No. 322. An THE ESTERBROOK STEEL PEN CO. Works, Camden, N.J, 26 John Streat, NT. BRANDY —445 A. Mount Vernon, CHESTER. CREST, North Fourth Ave., Mouat Yeraoa, N. Y. A quiet resort with every comfort, for men nervously disordered throngh dissipa- tion. Communications strictly confidential. Address G, 8. Avery, Manager, Manhattan Theatre Broadway and 33d St., New York MRS. FISKE Presenting PAUL HEYSE'S Drama Mary of Magdala ‘Telephone IF IN HASTE TAKE THE NEW YORK CENTRAL comicbooks.com