Life — November 27, 1902 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Thanksgiving Sonnet. HOU luscious bird, done to a savoury turn, With rivulets of juices flowing down Like mimic streams across thy bosom brown, From thy crisp flaky sides we quickly learn To baste thee ere thy dark meat drumsticks burn! In thine own gravy thou dost sorrow drown, And for thine aromatic smell a crown Worth more than kingly coronets thou dost earn! How do we idolize thee on this day ! Placing thee far ahead of pumpkin pie, Giving thee precedence o'er the array Of other meats, ambrosial, where they lie ! We might with perfect frankness safely say, “It was not all in vain that thou didst die!” Arthur E, Locke, Science. “TT HE gullet of the animal was cut tn sections and fixed to the neck, #0 that when it ate, the food merely fell to the ground, and the stomach was divided into two parte—one where no food was allowed to penetrate, the other into which was pat the food necessary to keep the dog alive." All this inured vastly to the profit of mankind, of course. In- deed, no less a discovery was made than that food which is relished stands a better chance of being digested than food which is not relished, a fact hitherto known only to the ignorant and unscien- tific. The experiment was conducted by a Professor Pawlow. The pro- fessor seems to be a humane man. Otherwise he would most likely have tied a tin can to the dog's tail, also. AyALt the world doesn’t care -LIFE- A Wide-Open Letter. “C25 M. SCHWAB gets his brother a job,” “ Der Daily Trombone” say. How nice to have a bruder Sharles, Mit chobs to give avay! I vas unhappy, C. M. Schwab, No bruder Sharles have I No steel magnét nor coal nabsb To listen to mein cry. Twas oop—or down—in Vashington— Vere many chobs are laid— I sought a second-handed von— A misfit, ready-made, Mein Senadors, mit kind intent, Both squeezed me py der hand, Und called me deir “‘ Gonstituent! ” Mit oder titles grand. Dey writes some ‘' Introductioners” To Mister Rosenvelt, Who cried, ‘I am de-light-ed, sir!” (Imadgine how I felt!) I vispered, ‘Are dere chobs to-day ?” He interrupted m “ Excuse me—please see Mister A! So I pegins to “‘ see!” , But Mister A— says unto me, “You vas mistooken quite, I'm not der man—but Mister B— Vill fit you oop all right!” Und so dey passes me along, Until I quits der mob, You wouid not treat a friend so wrong, Now— vould you— C. M. Schwab? I goes me to some peesness-men, Und speaks in vinning vay, “Maype you do not need me, de To make your peesness pay “ You are too late alretty, fr'en’— Brince Henry's gone!” dey say. Von answers, ‘‘ Could you take der risk To vatch in Central Park, So no von steals dot Obelisk Ven it vas after dark ?"” “How waluable is dot bird?” Says I. He called me “slob!” You vould not use dot gommon vord, Now— vould you— C. M. Schwab? How vill you not pe able To steel your heart on me? Shust send von leetle cable To Andrew Carnegié ! Dis jungling hits my notion. Serenely vould he bob On der financial ocean, Mit— you und C. M. Schwab! Ernest Neal Lyon, Their Tale of Bliss. EORGIANA: Julia and Jack don’t stay ont at their new country place at all. GrorceE: Why? “Oh, they want to be in town all the time, to tell everybody how much they like it out in the country.” SNAPSHOTS IN HADES. how their better-halves live. BRINGING IN THE ANNUAL MARVEST OF CARELESS AUTOMOBILISTS. comicbooks.com