Life — November 21, 1901 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Life’s Nursery Tales. JACK AND THE PEA.VINE. NCE upon a time there was a poor widow, who lived in a small tene- ment with her only son Jack. Her hus- band had been a rich man, who had once befriended a Monopolist. For this reason the Monopolist had ruined him finan- cially and caused his early death from anxiety. The widow struggled to support herself? and her son by washing, for Jack did not believe in working while mother had her health, At last, however, the mother came to him and asked him to go out and pawn their table, as they had nothing to eat and she was not strong enough tocarry it. Jack took it and the first man he met in the street he stopped and said, ** Look here, what will you give me for this table? I am sick of carrying it and you can make your own price.” The man said, ‘I will take the table, but I have nothing to give except o hatful of peas, which I cannot ase myself.”” Jack took the peas thankfully and brought them back to his mother. She wept bitterly “Well,” i Jack, ‘there’s no use worrying. Wecouldn't eat the table and I will plant some of these peas and see if they will grow.” Now these were magic Ps that stood for Plunder, Peculation, Politics, Per- jury, Pull, etc. Jack selected three, Permanent Political Pull, and planted them in a flower-pot on the fire-escape. The next morning he found apea- vine with a stem as thick as an alder- man, reaching so high that he could not see the limit. He immediately began to climb up it, and after he had climbed a long way he came to a bean- tifa! country in which he walked about “EIPE- for some time. At last he was hungry, so he went up to a magnificent villa and asked for something to eat. The maid gave him a sandwich. “But,” she said, “if my master sees you, he will kill you. He is so big a monopolist that he will not allow a poor man in his house. Hark! Here he comes. I will hide you in the side- board.” Jack was hardly hidden before the Monopolist came in growling: Fe, fo, fum, I smell the blood of an alderman ; Be he alive or be he dead, I'll grind his bones to make my bread. Jack trembled, but the maid said, “It's only some beer, sir, that’s been spilled in the kitchen,” and she gave her master his dinner. Presently he called for his coupons. A great box full of securities was brought to him, and while he was counting them he fell asleep. Jack skipped nimbly out, snatched 405 the securities, and ran before the Mo- nopolist awoke. He slid down the pea- vine and showed his mother all that be had found, and they lived sumptu- ously, giving outings, chowders and other affairs for some time. Presently, Jack took it into his head to climb the vine again, and when he came to the same villa the maid cried, “Hush! He will surely kill you. Jump into the closet !"" Just as he had settled himself with the door ajar, the Monopolist came in thundering: Fe, fo, fum, I smell the blood of an alderman ; Be he alive or be he dead, I'll grind his bones to make my bread. But the maid said, “It is cnly some claret I spilled from the decanter,” and hurried to bring her master’s din- ner. After dinner he called for his goose, and she brought it. It was a beautiful bird, with a lovely plumage of straight tips and a habit of laying “Irs only some beer, alr."