Life — November 14, 1901 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-LIFE- 393 Life’s Board of Inquiry. OARDS OF INQUIRY are ordinarily organized for, the purpose of allowing everybody in the country to give their opinions on a question which every- body is tired to death of. This is the fatal defect of the common, or garden, variety of Boards of Inquiry. Lire proposes to overcome this deficiency by a Board that will grapple with real questions of the hour. It has been arranged that two people, entirely congenial to each other, should go to make up the Board each week, with Lire pre- siding, in the middle. This week, Dr. Charles Parkhurst and Richard Croker were selected. The question to be decided was this: Has H. H. Vreeland, President of the [Metropolitan Street Railway, ever ridden on a Broadway car? President Vreeland was the first witness called. Following is the testimony : The witness was very much agitated. He sprang to his feet as soon as the question was formally read. “T wish to deny the base insinuation at once,” he exclaimed. “OF course I have never ridden on a Broadway car. I am too valuable a man to this community to run such a risk.” Question py THE Court: You admit that the present system is the most uncomfortable and generally unsafe system that could be devised ? A.: Generally speaking, yes. “You admit that a man cannot get on or off an open car without imperilling his life?” “Certainly.” “That when he gets on he has to jump for it, that he is usually carried several blocks past his street before he can get off, and that while he is on the car he is thrown back and forth like a rattle in a box, at the entire mercy of the motorman?” Mrs. Bectle: 64¥, 48. PERKINS, THIS MILK 18 BITTER. Milk Bug: tuat's queen. 1 Gor iT PResu PRoM THE MILK- WEED JUST THIS MORNING, “Then how do you account for such a system as this unless you have ridden on the cars yourself? How could such a system of public discomfort have been perfected, unless you yourself had ridden on the cars and learned to promulgate it by experience?” Witsess (proudly): There are others connected with me in the management. They have been a great help. Besides, it ix not necessary actually to ride to bring about such a system. I can view the general discomfort of the passengers from a distance. Q.: Then you admit that you have been near a Broadway car? A.: Yes, But of course the passengers haven't known it. I have always a regard for my own safety. The next witness now stepped into the box. Q.: You are a motorman ? A.: Yes, “Do you enjoy your work?” “Ido indeed. From a boy I always had a thirst for blood.” “ And your present occupation enables you to gratify it?” “Sure. But I hope te do even better than this some day.” “What?” “T hope to be achauffeur. Then I can run over people to my heart's delight.” “You know Mr. Vreeland?” “Yes. “ Did you ever see him riding on a Broadway car?” All eyes were now turned on the witness, as a sensation was ex- pected at this point. There was a flutter in the courtroom. The wit- ness wiped his brow—all witnesses wipe their brows when getting rid of a sensation—and replied : “Once.” “That willdo, You can go.” The honorable court now addressed everybody : “Ladies and gentlemen, it has now been conclusively established that H, H. Vreeland, President of the Metropolitan Street Rail- road, has ridden upon a Broadway car. Are there any more witnesses?" At this point an invalid chair was wheeled in, and another wit- ness signified his intention of testifying. He seemed slightly under the weather, being wrapped from head to foot with flannel bandages. Q.: Who are you, sir? A.: Tama citizen of New York. “ You seem indisposed.” “Yes. I have been in the hospital.”” ‘What has been the nature of your trouble?” “ Bronchitis, laryngitis, asthma. tonsilitis, quinsy, loss of breath, pains in the back, ch fever, constant cough and double pneumonia.” “ How did you get these complaints?” “« By riding, of course, in a Broadway open car.” “ But you are an exception.” “Oh, yes. The others are underground.” ‘And you wish to testify 2°” “No. In the interest of truth, I merely wish to have that motorman recalled. He testified that he hud once seen Mr. Vree- Jand riding in a Broadway car. This is an insult to Mr. Vreeland. Ask the motorman how he came to be there." ‘The motorman was brought back. By this time there was not a dry eye in the court room, Question sy THE Court: Motorman, you have testified that once Mr. Vreeland rode on a Broadway car. Explain the cir- cumstances. A.: It was inthe roundhouse. He was trying a new feoder— ‘comicbooks.com