Life — March 1, 1900 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“WELL, DOO, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YoU?” 1 WAS BACK IN THE ALLIGATOR’S MOUTH PILLING A MOLAR, AND 1 ASKED MIM IP IT HURT, AND BE SAID ‘ YEP." Song of Der Syndicate. (Dedicated ta the Wits of The Players, Lambs, The Savage, and the G: ick.) T'S aveedt ter hear der honest vatchdog sneezin’ (We think Lordt Pyron saldt that, vonco or twice) ; It'ssveedt ter vatch our piziness ingreazin’ ; It’s sveedt ter puy der critigs, at our brice, It’s avecdt ter vatch der ferry funny gapers Off Lire und Vina Vinten, dere 80 thin!— Und tor poss all but der Lire und Tribune bapers ; But it’s svoedter still ter dake der Chris- tians in! It's svogdt ter valk py Proadway, now we're able; For we think wo've landtet on it with bode feet !— To take our luncheon at a Gilsey table, At der vindow next ter Proadway py der street! It’s sveedt ter vatch der acter beoblo staring, While we mastergate der bam und g0080's fin; Und it's sveedt ter vatch our rattled rivals glaring; But it’s sveedter still ter dake der Chris- tians in! It's sveodt tor co py Europe effory summer, Py dor first-glass bassage, like der real thing; Iv’s sveedt ter pny up English play und mummer, Und ter grush all writers that won't join our ring! It’s sveodt ter valk der Strandt py London cidy, Und vateb dor frightened mummers pow und grin, Und pog us, for der Lord's sake, ter hat bidy! But it’s svecdter still ter dake der Chris- tians in! It's sveedt ter see our ovvice heaffy laden With der blays that our rank rivals might broduce; It's sveedt ter help ter fame der Christian maiden . . ee When it’s up ter her, der long ereen goodts is loose! It's svoedt ter kill der stars mit critigs Cohen That refusy ter join und braise, thro’ thick und thi Und it's sveedt ter see cach failure to us owin’— But, O, how sveedt ter dake der Chris- tians in! John Ernest McCann, $73 A Poser. ELLOW JOURNAL PROPRIE- TOR: Do you know the truth when you see it? Reronten (proudly): No, sir! “Then how are you going to avoid it?” T is somewhat appalling to fiod that the action of the scoundrel who lately broke off the head of the mermaid on the Heine Monument in New York is charac- terized by prominent members of the Women's Christian Temperance Union, in a formal meeting, as ‘‘ an expression of public sentiment.” The idea is that the mermaid ja indecent, and that public opinion demanded her destruction. It is ead to think that such a sentiment is not out of keeping with the opinions of the Women’s Christian Temperance Union on such subjects. On the whole, it is not justly matter for regret that an organization which fosters and applauds opinions of this sort should appcar to be losing ground. Its building in Chicago has passed out of its hands, and its influence seems to be declining. It will probably never regain the place it held, in spite of many follies, under the remarkable leadership of Miss Willard. BE CAREFUL, MISTER! SOMETIMES THESE