Life — March 1, 1900 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THINGS ARR TREACHEROUS.” An Improved Editorial. IFE takes the liberty of showing its yellow contemporary how the following editorial, clipped from the columns of the Evening Journal might be improved. Most of the Journal's cditorials might be improved by the addition of a little sane, common, horse sense, but in this case we confine ourselves to sub- stituting the words ‘ Keening Journal” for the word ‘‘ cigarettes” throughout the article. That is the only change we have made. Tne Bint to Promerr tug EVENING JOURNAL, Legislation In the United States is such a clever combination of crankiness, black- mailing and good intentions that it ts * LD E * pretty hard to know just what underlies any particular bill, We hope, however, that honesty and firmness of purpose may attend tho bill which has been introduced in the New York Legislature to probibit the sale of the £eening Journal in this State, Any man can be locked up for selling opium, or for maintaining rooms for opium smoking. A thousand times more harm {s done by tho Evening Journal in a year than opium over did. Tho health of children is ruined. Murder and insanity are among the results of tho Evening Journal manu- facturing and selling. When the bill, whoso originatot we can- not praise too highly, comes up and tries to fight its way against the money of the Hearst Estate, it will bo interesting to see how many of the legislative gang take the money and defeat the bill, There is not a man in the Legislature who believes that the Evening Journal is harmless, There 18 not a man who would permit his own son to read the Evening Jownal, There 1s not one but would gladly imprison any man who sbould sell the Evening Journal to bis children. It will bo interesting to observe which of the legislators refuse to give to the children of their constituents the protection which they would demand for their own. “ ICE arch you've got there, “ Match you for the pair, George.” “T'll go you. But first, George, get yours,insured.” A Parable. SNOW man stood in the neighborhood Of a fine conservatory, And said: “I would that I sometime could Pour out to that pink my story!” For he loved a pink, and could only think Of the vows he fain would utter, Might be cross tho brink to the sacred chink Where the gardenor had shut her. While amorous sighs wero the exercise The pink indulged in daily, Her heart was prize to those coal-blaek eyes; Tho brow and cheeks a0 paly. Bho longed, poor Miss, for a tendor kiss From the lips of her pining lover, But to compass this superior bliss No method could sho discover. Until ono night, at their passion’s height, The door closed incompletely, And tho snow man white and his heart's dolight At tho threshold mot—so sweetly 1 But, strango to hear, in the atmosphere ‘Tho snow man melted sadly, And, still more queer, in an instant, mere, The pink was frozen badly. . . . So warning taxe, when attempt you make To love outside your station; ‘Tis often best to confine your zest To simply anticipation, Edwin L, Sabin, By Richard Croker. I HAVE heard a good many storics in my time, but the trouble is to re- member them, I enjoy them when I hear them, but they go in one ear and out the other, The best one I can now recall is about Sherif! Dunn, Perhaps you know that there is a Thomas Dunn Association, named after the Sheriff. It isa social organization and gives a ball every year. Last ycar the ball was given soon after Mr. Dunn was elected and there was a big attendance. One man, an old friend of the Bheriff, got himself up in great shape for the occasion, appearing for the first time in his life in evening dress, He went up to Dunn at the ball. “Hello, Tom,” he said; ‘*how do I look in a dress suit?” “First rate,” said the Sheriff; ‘‘why don't you get one?” On another occasion a certain Tam- many man came to Dunn’s office and told him he was going to be married. “That's good news,” said the Sheriff ; “have you seen Crvker adout it?” comicbooks.com