Life — January 11, 1900 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OUR SPECIAL CAMERA FIEND TAKES A SNAPSHOT IN CENTRAL PARK. Reflections of a Married Man. AM a married man; Iam married several times timultancously and my compatriots are very much worricd about me. My eastern friends are married as nu- merously as I am, but, while I drive the same team all r() the year round, they change horses at every station. Some men keep a stable of their own, othirs patronize livery stables. ‘Things are perbaps novel and differ- ent to a Yankee in Utah; but you + never sce a puzzled man there saying toalady, ‘Excuse me, are you my wife this week?” nor doyou observe an absept-minded lady remarking, * Am I Mrs. Jones or Mrs. Brown to day ? Perhaps I had better consult my lawyer.” I was elected to Congress by constituents who supposed their choice was entitled to a seat; evidently Chicago, Boston and other ethical storm centers elect the Congressmen from Utah. My marriages have been declared failures, and there is danger I may contaminate Congress. Timagined that discretion would lead Boston and Chicago to taboo a discussion of my marita. methods, and when i Iearned THE FRENCH REVOLUTION, that I had shocked the moral sense of these great divorce factorics I trembled. New England pains and astonishes me. With an antique maiden surplus of half a million, the one-man- one-wife theory cannot work well; even the matrimonial exchange system otf the divorce courts las proved unsatisfactory; the Utah method would seem to be specially adapted for New England, and it has this added merit—its founder was a New Englander. New Eng- land has an infinite capacity for minding its neighbor’s business ; it is now minding mine—particularly =~") the antique surplus. In fact, the ladics ull over the land are after me, I don't like it. I know when Ihave cnough ; but I'am suffering the penalty of the fatal curse of beauty. The Republican party 1s abusing me; this is base ingratitude. I was an expansionist before McKinley; I am still with his friend the Soldan of Sooloo. Wash- ington is indignant about mc—Washington, the city of halos, anchorites, saints and virtues, Ah me! I ought to be a persona grata in the Capital, for nobody ever called the Senate a monastery or the House a Sunday school comicbooks.com