Life, 1900-01-11 · page 14 of 20
Life — January 11, 1900 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of Life's style: **Main text (top):** A lengthy complaint from "Joseph Smith" about being criticized for his polygamy, sarcastically threatening to retire to Sulu (a U.S. territory) where he can practice polygamy with government protection. This mocks both polygamists and American territorial expansion rhetoric. **"A Klondyke" joke:** Two doctors discuss valuables found in appendixes and extracted money—referring to the Klondike Gold Rush's wealth-seeking frenzy. **Cartoon (C. Parson illustration):** A prospector and Native Alaskan exchange dialogue about snowshoes traded for "dirty gould" (gold)—satirizing the brutal or unfair dealings in gold-rush commerce. **"Good Gracious!" section:** Mocks high society's obsession with opera-box seating and Newport social standing, then absurdly suggests that prominent society women's absence from the opera was cabled to Boer War leader Kruger—a nonsensical punchline ridiculing society's self-importance during a serious international conflict.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
4 Yet, under the spur of the sex that has no votes, my virtuous confréres await me with axes and hardware bouquets, My family is worried, and worry in a | dreibund family is no idle jest ; ladies will talk; three tongues can beat two ears every time, Even Kentucky shakes its fist at me— Kentucky, the home of Breckinbridge, the land of the shot and the half-shot; Kentucky shakes hands with Boston and Chicago, where moral man keeps an album and a roster to identify his current wife. It may be that Kentucky.which runs to brevet colonels, majors and captains, believes in brevet wives, while I go in for a genuine com- mission, even it I am a repeater. When the embattled ludies of America cool off under their stocks, I trust I may be permitted to retire to Sulu, where I can be assured of Government protection and a salary, and where I can pass my days reading the Song of Solomon, the } great, wise and admired polygamist. } Joseph Smath, | A Klondyke. } Fst M.D: What a lot of things have been found in the vermiform } appendix. i Srconp M. D.: And look at the money that’s been taken out of it! “1 ALREADY EKEL THE SCORCNING FLAMES! YASTER! PASTER!! OW ALL 18 LosT!!”” C.Panson. Pirst Miner: WUERE ARE YOUR SNOWSHOES, MIKE? “PAITH, 1 TRADED THIM OPP WITH A STRANC HOME 1 YOUND WHAT UK GIVE ME WAS NOTHING BUT DIRTY GOWLD.” Baffling. «€] T'S a very unsatisfactory story!” “Yes?” “Oh, very! I've read the first chapter and the last chapter and I don’t know yet how it turns out!” Good Gracious! LL lovers of music—we mean, of course, the serious-minded, intelli- gent ones—will appreciate the importance of what follows: ‘The second tler boxes have become more fash- fonable than last year, and the presence of Miss Barden, Mra. Frederic Netlson, and other women of the Newport set in them, showed that soctety 1s broadening even ta Its divistons, The absence on Monday evening of quite a distinctive number of women who are conspicuous tn soctety was noticed. Mrs Otiver Harriman, Jr., Mra. T. Sut. fern Tatler, Mrs, John Drexel, Mrs. Stuyvesant Fish, Mra. I. Townsend Borden, Mrs. R. Fulton Cutting, Mra, Adolph Ladenburg, Mrs. George B. De Forest, and Mrs. Duncan Elllot were not seen in the parterre or tier boxes, and thelr absence on an opera first ulght seemed odd. When this was cabled to President Kruger he replied that the whole situa- tion was a complete surprise to him. He hinted, however, that it would not alter his plans in auy particular. But what we most dread is the effect io our own country, How will the news be received in New England and in the middle West?