Life — February 25, 1897 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

156 ° LIFE: so, let him (or her) bring on the details. And there sat his lordship at his eas I have a dear friend who is the better—no, great easy-chair that left nothing to be desired the slimmer— half of a fat man, amostcharm-_ in the way of ‘a good fit,” while the charm- ing woman of the world, who says in the ing woman of the world was on her knees simplest manner possible: ‘‘When we are before him, a look of ecstasy on her fair fac abroad, do you know, Frank counts up our as the fat man, at his leisure, tucked her big expenses every day, and tells me at night, sleeves into her coat. He did it ‘‘ with neat- with a groan, how much it cost us tolive that ness and despatch "—fat men always do those day. And then tells me what it cost when he bits of gallantry with consummate ease and was single tact (if they can only sit down to it); and she “Oh,” quoth I, in an unguarded moment, thanked him with a kiss, arose, and glided “how horrid! 1 would —I would —" out to join me in my shopping, witha seraphic **You would — what?” and superior air. I said to myself—I don't “Oh! almost be ready to slap him,” said I, know why, but I did —" Why have not Ia fat viciously. man for a husband?” I shall never forget the pitying look she And it is not that he is tyrannical turned on me as I sat bolt upright, with that or exacting —overtly—that the fat look of disgust on my face. Suddenly the pity man gets all this adulation faded out of her face, and such a beam of un- and worship. Quite not! He utterable yearning shone from her eyes—such__ is generally of an easy, gentle, a hungry, determined, insatiable lov care-hating disposition — but, knew Frank was coming, and fled. of course, we all know the fat The next minute I peeped in through the man! Most of us are ac- half-open door. I felt sure Frank was already quainted with a gentleman in in possession of my horrid remark. Not that one of Dickens's novels of so the charming woman would ‘give me away;” gentle and philanthropic a but that there was a species of mental telepathy turn that all of his household existing between those two I never doubted. were ina conspiracy to keep THE EVERLASTING STRUGGLE. him out of harm's way, and rudely turned aside the beggar and the tramp, the stranger and the needy friend alik and all possible enemies of his peace of mind, lest this paragon of husbands, fathers and masters should suffer. He fat man! It is time to idealize the fat man — to stop ridiculing him. The artist who caricatures him in the comic weeklies, the paragrapher who pokes sly fun at him in his daily column, the dude who puts up his monacle at him witha smile, are not in it with the fat man where the women are concerned. He may not be s, nor yettheir Apollo, But he is their beau ideal of ponderous and gentle magnanimity. And he can please them every time, whether he gives them his seat inthe carornot. And he never stays single —hecan't. Heisn't allowed to. If he —from mistaken public policy “THIS IS THE LONGEST FENCE I EVER SAW.” —tries to be an old bachelor, some de-