Life, 1897-02-04 · page 5 of 20
Life — February 4, 1897 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis of Life Magazine Page 87 This page contains three distinct pieces: 1. **"Unkissed Kisses"** - A poem satirizing romantic frustration, complaining that unmarried women have become unapproachable problems. 2. **"A Moral Goes With This"** - A brief fable about Robinson Crusoe's island being swallowed by sea, with an unclear moral lesson (the OCR text is incomplete). 3. **"Nothing More to Wish For"** - A humorous dialogue with President Cleveland, where a caller asks the President's plans after March 4th. Cleveland replies he intends to fish, then duck hunt, then fish again—depicting him as singularly focused on leisure activities. The joke satirizes either Cleveland's retirement ambitions or his priorities as trivial. The cartoons appear early-to-mid 19th century in style.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘LIFE: ““UNKISSED KISSES.” HERE'S a bard who sings quite sweetly, in a monthly magazine, Of love and life and beauty, and the many things between; But he plunged me into trouble by a simple little verse, When he spoke of ‘‘unkissed kisses"! Now can anything be worse? And ever since the hour I read this artful little phrase, My daily walks have seemed tome a sort of crystal maze; For every maiden whom I meet, with lovely, de and 1 sigh like the ‘ and sorrow lest it be without a remedy. Becomes to me a proble thought the matter over, and it really seems to me That this waste of raw material should never, never be; For they're one of the few articles in all this mighty land That admit a nice adjustment 'twixt supply and the demand. Hence, I'd like to start a mimic dourse, where, by a fair exchange, Ud garner all these chaste salutes that now seem out of range. Then would 1 write a poem, indeed; not born of missing kisses, But full of sentiment and fire, inspired by kissing misses. Irwin Beaumont, en “WHY, EDGAK! WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YO! “OH, | OVERHEARD THAT DOCTOR SAY THAT IT WAS UNHEALTHY TO SLEEP IN FEATHERS." A MORAL GOES WITH THIS. OBINSON CRUSOF'’S island, which was reported to have been swallowed up by the sea, is doing busi- ness at its old stand, What was swallowed rum, which formed part of the cargo of aship which sailed for the island from Valparaiso. The captain kept system- atically tipsy and could not find the island he was after, and had to invent a story to justify his return to port. teacnes every day) that we must not believe all we read. If any word comes, for instance, that Cuba has been blown up to keep it from the Spaniards, don't believe it. Cuba is still there, and still a source of grief and apprehension to up turns out to have been certain kegs of The fable teaches (what some fable everyone interested in it. Its chief ex- port now is lies, all of which find a ready market in this country, and especially in the United States Senate. NOTHING MORE TO WISH FOR. * ELLO, Central!” ‘*What number, please?” mnect me with the Executive Mansion at Washington.” “There you are.” “Who wants the “Will you kindly to the telephone?” .' This is he.” “Mr, Cleveland, will you please tell a number of anxious admirers what you intend to do after the fourth of March?” “T intend to go fishing.” nd after that, what?” Then I shall go duck hunting.” nd then?” Fishing.” “What next? “Duck hunting “Is that all?” “Certainly. What more can a man want?” “Much obliged, Mr. Cleveland. Good morning, and long life to you.” ‘Good morning. Thanks for your kind wishes.” Executive Mansion?” ask the President to step “WHOSE Foot?" “OH, THAT BELONGS TO RICHARD OL) comicbooks.com