Life, 1897-01-28 · page 3 of 20
Life — January 28, 1897 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Sanctum Talks" - Life Magazine Satire This is a dialogue between two figures—apparently a young boy (Alfy) and an adult (Alphonso)—discussing contemporary political and financial issues through comedic misunderstandings. The satire targets early 20th-century concerns: congressional spending ("champs"), Spanish colonial matters ("Why this isn't Alphonso, King of Spain?"), military preparedness and fortifications, bond issues, and financial instability ("the World is losing money"). Alfy represents naive youth seeking "advice," while Alphonso embodies weary worldliness. The humor lies in how serious governmental problems—budget deficits, bonds, military readiness—are reduced to absurd observations about "cigar boxes" and reading multiple newspapers. The title "Sanctum Talks" suggests this occurs in a newspaper office, making it meta-commentary on how the press reports on fiscal mismanagement.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
th even th nap, literay vorks ble, th ‘hus the] > fora rary embe}} ly exe nectics the ic advat arperi umber aie ‘| | FE- SANCTUM TALKS “yy ELL, boy?” “Boy! Who discovered you?” “Why this isn't Alfonso, King of Spain?” “Yes it is. 1 dropped in—" “Ah, yes. Cuba, | suppose. Look here, Alfy. We may as well under- stand each other. I can’t let you have a cent.” * But—” “Don't say another word. I'm too patriotic, Besides, the incoming Ad- ministration may call on me at any time. Suppose * But-—" ** Suppose they should have to raise another issue of bonds. I must be prepared. Now that the World is losing money, somebody must—” “But I didn’t come for that. I “Well, Alfy, my advice is not to do a thing. You know we wouldn't do a thing to you.” ‘But I am informed that your Congress contains lot of—" **Chumps?" “Yes, And they say your fortificatior c no better than— “Cigar boxes. “Yes. Besides, your standing army is a—" “ Tradition — that is, except the pensioners. all here.” “Yes. And your financial system is— “Rotten?” “Precisely. Then there's McKin- ley—" “You mean Hanna.” But—" “You've been misinformed, Alfy, that’s all. Now, suppose you pick a fight, win, and annex us. Think of how much worse off you'd be with all these thing: Caramba! I never thought of that. I was only thinking how easy—” ‘Exactly. But that wouldn't be all, Alfy. You'd have to take Com- They are NUMBER 736 stock and Talmage.” “Oh!” “You'd have to read the /erald editorials every day.” “Sacra!” “Remember Afwnsey’s Magazine and repent, Alfy.” Deliver me!” You'd have the /ourna “IT couldn't stand that “Think of reading fourteen Scotch dialect stories a week.” “Spare m “Then there's Pulitzer, Alfy.” “This is too much! Lire, I thank you from the bottom of my rt.” “Then you don’t want us ‘Not at any price. Good-by. **Good-by, Alfonso, Sorry.”