Life — March 14, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TERE: A BONANZA. “MATTIE, COME QUICK AN’ BRING EVERTHINK YER “CAN WITH VER! THERE'S BIN A NEW YEAR'S PARTY, AN’ THEY'RE A GIVIN" AWAY ALL THE PIDGINS, TOAST AN’ WEGETABLES WHAT'S BIN LEFT OVER!” A VERY SHABBY TRICK. 66D )ID you hear of the awfully shabby trick that Mildred and Elizabeth played on Blanche ?” said the sweet young thing in seal brown to the sweet young thing in dark green, as they rode together on the elevated railway. “ T haven't heard a word,” was the reply.“ Do tell me! Iam dying to hear.” hey knew that Blanche had an appointment with the dentist for an hour's work the other morning, and they arranged their shabby trick accordingly. After Blanche had got settled in the dentist’s chair, with her mouth gagged with India rubber and her head strapped immovably, they went upstairs into the dentist's waiting room and began operations.” » What did they do?” “Well, they sat down in the ante-room, where Blanche could hear every word they said, and then began to talk about her.” “They pretended they didn’t know that she was in the operating room, I suppose ?” “ Well, what did they say.” “ Mildred began by saying that she hoped that the man who was being measured for false teeth in the next room would soon be through, and then she asked, as though she 165 had just thought of it, ‘O, Lizzie, did you hear of Blanche’s desperate effort to capture brother Tom last summer?’ “Why, no, I never heard of it,’ replied Elizabeth, ‘but I do know that she has been crazy after him for years.’ Then Mildred went on, * Well, she just set her for him in the most determined way you ever saw, but it wasn’t of any use. Tom fought shy of her in a masterly manner. One night she was determined that Tom should accompany her to a promenade concert at Surf Bluffs. She asked him to go, but Tom bravely replied that he had a previous engagement, and regretted that he couldn’t oblige her. Then the dear boy went out and manufactured a previous engagement to suit the occasion.’ “* Poor Blanche,’ said Elizabeth, pityingly. ‘I’m real sorry for any girl who falls in love with a man and finds her affection unrequited.’ “*Oh, well, she really oughtn't to do it, you know,’ Mil- dred went on, ‘I can’t vouch for its correctness, but I did hear it whispered that she actually proposed to Tom, but—.’ Mildred didn’t get any farther. There was an awful scuffle in the other room. The operating chair upset. Some one yelled ‘Fire,’ and policemen ran upstairs to see what the matter was. There was Blanche going through tne wildest erics. The dentist afterward said that he never y before, and wriggle and twist in the chair, until finally she just collapsed. He didn’t know that the girls outside were talking about his patient, and they slipped out of the room and went away as soon as they heard the noise inside, They were badly frightened them- selves then.” How much of what they said was true?" asked the sweet young thing in dark green, as the train approached her station. “Not a word,” replied the sweet young thing in seal brown. “ The fact Tom imply dying for a smile from Blanche, but she persists in snubbing him. Do you get off here? Good morning, dear.” “ Good morning, love.” William Henry Siviter. A SHREWD SUGGESTION. ee ELL, Dinkelstein, I t'ought you sail for Eurobe on de ‘ Weserwald" to-day?” “T vas, Moses, I vas; but I change my mind.” “ Vat for you change your mind?” “Vell, sort 0’ sooberstition. I vent to Madame Tarara, de fortune teller, and she tell me I brobose to go ona voyage by sea. Den she advise me dat I don’t go on dat ship as it will have a eccident shust ike de ‘ Elbe’ and all on poard vill die.” “ All de pessengers vill die, Dinkelstein ? “ Dat’s vat she said.” “ And you believe dat.” “| believe dat.” don’t you get a passenger list and have all dem people's lives insured ?” comicbooks.com