Life — February 7, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“WELL, WELL, A NICE PIECE OF BEEF, THIS 18 WHAT YOU CALL A REGULAR— CORRECTING A POPULAR PREJUDICE. HE President of the Advanced American Business Women's Union wore her most becoming street costume, and the consciousness that she was the best dressed woman in the room lent an additional dignity to her manner as she rose in her place with the gavel in her hand. “The members will please come to order,” she remarked as she rapped vigorously on the desk. Instantly the hum of conversation ceased although dismembered fragments of such commercial and technical phrases as “‘ puffed sleeves," ‘forty-nine cents a yard,” ‘irridescent passementerie,” still floated through the room. “* Before proceeding with the regular business of the meeting,” said the President in a penetrating and scornful voice, ‘I wish to read a portion of a vulgar and most offensive communication Ihave received lately. “It is in the nature of a topical song and attempts to cast feeble ridicule on that crowning triumph of our dawning Twentieth Century, ‘The Advanced Woman.’ The wretched doggerel runs as follows : She wants to wear trousers—* just like a man!" She's captured his vest and his coat ! She tries to play tennis as well as she can; To smoke cigarettes and to vote. : Chorus. * Just like a man {" * Just like a man !* She wants to be just like a man ! . You cannot persuade her ‘That nature has made her On a wholly different plan, “Of course,” remarked the President, ‘I should not have bored you with even this slight portion of this imbecile effusion if I had not wished to take some notice of the fact that the impression it conveys is so widely prevalent among the uneducated and lower classes, that isto say among men in general. “It is just too perfectly ridiculous for anything to say we want to be like Man,” she continued hotly, as she raised her arm and adjusted -LIFE: 85 her husband's best necktie, which was climbing over the back of one of his new imported collars. The collar, it must be admitted, was a size too large for her. Men are so thoughtless ! “Like a man/ the idea! Why, we believe in advancement not retrogression | We would sooner imitate our ancestral apes than the modern members of the masculine sex. ‘Apes never belonged to horrid clubs and came home at unholy hours too inebriated to use a latch-key. Apes never forgot to mail letters or made fun of their wives’ cooking or objected to tidies and window curtains. Apes never refused to pay household bills or lectured about extravagance. And Apes /” she continued with magnificent emphasis, * ever refused women the right to vote!” After waiting for the thunders of applause to subside, she went on : “So what is Man that we should imitate him? We utterly deny that there is a single trait worthy of even half-hearted admiration in his mental and moral nature that is not derived directly from his mother. No, the fact of the matter is just this. Man has always selfishly selected and appropriated for himself the best of everything.” Here a few hopeless spinsters on the back seats who were sadly conscious that Man had never appropriated them, flushed and looked uneasy. “Now that the progress of science and civilization has indisputably shown his inferior nature, we, Advanced Women, feel that we are entitled to the best, and we are going to wrest it from him.” “How 2" asked a pretty girl ina rich brown cloth gown, with coat to match, and blue velvet toque. ‘The President frowned.‘ That has not been settled yet, but it will be done. We want the best, not because Man has it, but because we want it!" she said conclusively. ‘And that disposes of all this silly talk about imitation, Do not forget that we are pioneers in a glorious movement. Ah, my sisters, the day shall surely come when Man will lie upon the bargain counter of Creation and find no one to take him, even at his ridiculously marked down valuation |” And every member present felt a delicious thrill of expectant hope that this stupendous prophecy might be realized in her time. Harry Romaine.