Life, 1888-08-30 · page 12 of 14
Life — August 30, 1888 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Explanation for Modern Readers This *Life* magazine page (page 124) contains three separate satirical pieces mocking late-19th-century American social conventions: **Top cartoon**: A highwayman robs a woman of valuables but she refuses to surrender "papers"—likely divorce or legal documents—suggesting these held more personal value than diamonds or cash. **"Not Expert Evidence"**: St. Peter (gatekeeper to heaven) rejects a job applicant's tombstone epitaph as a reference, a pun on the uselessness of the dead as character witnesses. **"The Sunday Liquor Law"**: A parody of Shakespeare's *Romeo and Juliet* where Romeo seeks alcohol on Sunday (when sales were illegal in many states). The saloon-keeper refuses, citing death penalty for Sunday sales, but hints at the "side-door"—mocking how prohibition laws were easily circumvented through back entrances. **"Compelled to Move"**: A German-accented Cincinnati saloon owner complains he must relocate because customers dislike the church organ noise on Sunday mornings—satirizing the tension between religious institutions and drinking establishments during Prohibition-era reform campaigns.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
EVERYTHING TO HER AND OF NO USE TO HIM. Highwayman : SORRY TER TROUBLE YE, MA'M, BUT HAND OUT THEM PAPERS YE'V GOT BEMIND YER HOSPITALITY. BAckwoopsma N (0 tourist, whom he 7s entertaining at dinner and who ts watting to be served): Pitch right in, pardner, and make your- self to hum; we's got manners here, but we don’t use um, NOT EXPERT EVI- DENCE. T. PETER (to appli- cant) ; Did you bring any references? APPLICANT: I've got a copy of the epitaph on my tombstone and it’s a daisy. St. Peter: Yes, I s'pose it is, but epitaphs are not recognized here, my friend. No, sik, T WILL DO NOTHING OF THE SORT: YOU HAVE ALREADY RELIEVED ME OF NEARLY AND DOLLARS’ WORTH OF DIAMOND‘ BUT I'D RATHER DIE THAN PART WITH THO! Highwayman : 1 BEG YER PARDON, MA'M, YOU ANY Way ? PAPERS! THE SUNDAY LIQUOR LAW. (FROM AN ORIGINAL SHAKESPEAREAN MANUSCRIPT.) M ANTUA, with a Sunday Liquor Law. (A street.) (Enter Romeo, attired in the unostentatious manner of a dude.) RoMEO (pausing before a gilded den of vice after the manner of a thirsty traveler): An’ if a man did need a beverage now, Whose sale is present death in Mantua, Here lives a caitiff wretch would sell it him, I know him well— A portly German with a crimson face, Rotund of belly and of massive hip, Who with each thirsty guest could smile and smile And keep his balance still. Full well do I remember in the past Long evenings I have spent within well-full, And now my tongue quite hangeth out a yard. This man shall aid me. What, ho! within. (Enter Saloon-keeper.) SALOON-KEEPER: Who's raising such a racket ? ROMEO: Hold! there are forty ducats; let me have A dram of pizen; such soon-speeding gear ALMOST TWENTY THOUSAND IN CASH, AND MY WATCH, KEEP TH’ PAPERS ;—How 18 THINGS IN CHtICAco, DISAGREEABLE CHAP—Hugh Midity. As will disperse itself thro’ all the veins, That the life-weary drinker may feel happy. SALOON-KEEPER: Such mortal drugs I have; but Mantua’s law Is death to any he that utters them o' Sunday. RoMEO: Dost thou perceive aught in my eagle eye That looks like verdant color? SALOON-KEEPER: Methinks you have, As Shylock says, a “damn ask cheek.” RoMEO: I do admit the multitudinous flies Hold not conventions on my person. SALOON-KEEPER: Then what's the matter with the side- . door? ROMEO: Oh, it’s all right! (Exct hastily around corner.) Tom Hall. COMPELLED TO MOVE. INCINNATI SALOONIST: Vell, I dinks I have to move my saloon next veck, on accound oof dot church across der vay. CusTOMER: Does the congregation object to the saloon, Dutchy ? CINCINNATI SALOONIST: No; mine goostomers don‘d like dot organ noise mit Sunday mornings. comicbooks.com