Life — December 8, 1887 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

338 SRoSRISAISM5 LIFE Walter (to Colonel Clueby, who has absent- mindedly given him his hey-ring for a tip) : "Xcuse me, boss, but dis yer quarter's punched.— 7id- Aut Scissors aut Nullus, 3%: AN APPROPRIATE. TOAST. Ar a banquet given in honor of a dramatic author, a guest Stood up and proposed the following toast: To the health of the author; and may he live to be as old as his jokes !"—Le Patriote, FRENCH JOKE, Av the railway refreshment-room.—A trav- eller avails himself of a three minutes’ halt to call for a basin of broth, for which he pays in advance, ‘The liquid is boiling hot, never- theless he tries to drink it, when he sees the waiter running up excitedly,‘saying : "must inform Monsieur that if Monsieur drinks the broth, it is fifty centimes extra !"—Charivart, A writer in a November magazine sug- gests that a prize of $100,000 be offered to any One who will find a means of communication with the lower animals. It would be cheaper —and safer—to get a girl whose father doesn't keep lower animals.—Vorristown Herald. “Twist L knew how to prevent my hair from falling out,” said a wife one day to her husband, "Well, I wish you could prevent it from falling in,” said the husband, as he drew one about a font long out of the buck- wheat cake he was eating. —Dansville Breeze. THE ENGADINE Bouquet, Atkinson's New Perfume, This superb distillation sweetly recalls fragrant Swiss flowers. Rright jewels in a setting of perpetual snow. JOHN PATTERSON & CO., Tailors and Importers, Patterson Building, Nos. 25 and 27 W. 26th St..| NEW YORK HEADQUARTERS FOR STRAIGHT WHISKIES, “OLD CROW" AND HERMITAGE SOUR MASH. Sold absolutely pure, unsweetened, uncolored Various ages. None sold less than four years old. Reliable for medical use. We have taken every barrel of Rye Whisky | made at the Old Crow Distillery since January 1872. Sole Agents for The Pleasant Valley Wine Co. Full lines of reliable Foreign Wines, Liquors, and Segars. H. B. KIRK & CO., 69 FULTON ST., BROADWAY sno 271m ST. AND 9 WARREN STREET. HSTANI NHRD 1862 TO LADIES | 25572 sg UTTE Heanhfel Flesh Reducer—Ten to Fifteen Pounds a Most) NO POISON. Avipo-MALene vever falls to per toring Skin Blewtades, Viesh Worws, (Riact-Heads,) Writtle Pock- Marks, et, Sead I0e. (stampa cr sliver) for Particulars Fetimontais, Cecslare by Wecture Mail Mentior article wanted. Chicheater Chemical © 2815 Medison Square, Poiladelphia, Pa, | UPTON'S -ISIQUID GLUE: FOR SAMPLE POSTPAID. FOR SALE EVERYWHERE. RYSN. BOSTON. copvniexvap. CELEBRATED HATS and LADIES' ROUND HATS. | | 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW Yorx, Palmer Hoose. Chicago. 914 Chestout St., Phila. GEO. MATHER’S SONS | RINTING INK 60 JOHN STREET, N. Y. THIS PAPER IS PRINTED WITH OUR SPECIAL + LIFE + INK. AS2gG CULL DAV SNdd 1aaL aNVICAINAd ar =i QV: SAHIN: STEN! $398 $3 ateee ““Wuat did you marry my son for?” fiercely demanded an old gentleman of a clergyman who had just united his runaway scapegrace in the holy bonds. “Two dol- lars," meekly answered the dominie, ‘to be charged to you."—Binghamton Republican. IERAKAVER, LADIES’ TAILOR, Habit Maker and Hatter, NEW YORK, 19 East 2ist St., ad door Fast of Broadway LONDON, 288-290 Regent St. NEWPORT, 176 Bellevue Ave. PENCERIAN TEEL PENS Are The Best CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out nerves, promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. g6' West astn Stener, Naw York. For Saue ey Dxvocists, on Matt, $1.00. “Dt meek § honor, the ra THR remem and cat master, head s1 active 00 a pil Ama him wa AYo recruits soldiers his neig lifted b Ata Bavaria dealer warrant towerin, Ane “Wh var-hor “Yes run !"— comicbooks.com