Life — December 8, 1887 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE - BACK IN THE MARKET. (at a Chicago evening entertainment): Do you know that very brilliant looking woman at the plano, Miss Breesy ? Miss Breezy : Oh, yes, intimately, 1 will be glad to present you, Mr. Waldo. He: Thanks. Is she an unmarried lady ? Miss Breezy : Yes, she has been unmarried twice.—W. Y. Sun. “Wuy do you drink so much? ' said a clergyman toa hopeless drunkard, “To drown my troubles,” “And do you succeed in drowning them ?” “No, hang ‘em! they can swim."—Ex. “Get onto the dog," said the flea to the fly ; “Come off,” said the coming event ; Said the thread to the needle : "It's all in your eye "— Then we reached for our hat and went. —Oil City Blizzard. * A MESSENGER boy came leisurely up the stairs and asked for one of the writers in the editorial rooms, He was shown the gentleman. “Tsay,” he said; ‘did you send a boy up to Turk street a month ago “Yes; has he got back yet?” It dawned upon eren the messenger boy, and he grinned so he could hardly say:there was some question about an old message.— San Francisco Chronicle, “YOUNG AMERICANS who do not wish to lose their hair before they are forty must begin to look after their scalps before they are twenty.” N,V. Medical Record. The chief requirement of the hair is cleanliness — thorough ~ shampooing for women once a fortnight, and for men once a week. The best agent for the purpose is PACKER’S TAR SOAP. Dr. D. G. Brinton, Philadelphia, says: “After trying any number of soaps, we have settled down on Packer's Tar Soap as the best of all, whether as a toilet or a surgical soap. It is remarkably pure, cleansing and healing; it is excellent in a large variety of skin diseases, among which we particularly name seborrhoea of the scalp, dandruff, chafing, and winter prurigo (itching), all of them very common and | very obstinate. It contains the balsamic virtues of the pine in a high degree, and is soft and refreshing to the skin."— Vide Medical and Surgical Reporter, Philadelphia. 25 CENTS. DRUGGISTS. Sample and pamphlet 4 cents. THE PACKER MFG. CO., 100 Fulton Street, New York. 337 id Jones to a newly-married man. replied the man, with evident hesita- tion ; '* sometimes I think I've got her, and sometimes I think she's got me. You see, I've only been married a few months and I can't tell just yet how the blamed combination is going to turn out."— Washington Critic. “So you have got a wife,” “Don't know, don’t kno’ DANIEL, ONCE MORE.—TEACHER (af the Mission Sunday-school) : Yes, children, Daniel was cast into a den of lions, but not one of them dared touch him, How strange— Pupit (scornfully) ; Aw, dat’s nuthin’, Lseen aduck do that act in the cirkis las’ year.— 7¥d-Brts, THE Graphic says that ‘since George Francis Train has been preaching the uses of the Turkish bath, he has lost ground with the Anarchists.” If the Anarchists were to adopt the uses of the Turkish bath, they would lose ground, too,—Norristown Herald. Queen Victoria expected to entertain a few of Buffalo Bill's chiefs at dinner, but when she learned that Holler-a-hole-in-the-air has been known to send his plate back nine times for roast beef and gravy, she gave up the idea as being beyond her means,—Epoch. Wuen Landseer, the great animal painter, was introduced to the King of Portugal, the latter, whose knowledge of English was strictly limited, welcomed him with, ‘+1 am delighted to make your acquaint- ance, Mr, Landseer—I am so fond of beasts."—H, P. Frith’s Auto- biography. A HUSBAND who had incurred the anger of his wife, a terrible virago, seeks refuge under the bed. **Come out of that, you brigand, you rascal, you assassin !" screamed his gentle companion. “No, madam,” he replied, calmly, ‘I won't come out. Lam going to show you that I shall do as I please in my own house !"—Afoscow olds Commercial Advertiser. oughs rouh. are surely cured by Perry Davis? comicbooks.com