Life — September 30, 1886 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BEGINNING EARLY. She: On, REGINALD! HOW HAPPY WE WILL BE WHEN MARRIED! AND TO THINK WE SHOULD MEET THIS SUMMER IN THIS QUIET PLACE— WE ARE QUITE ALONE! He: Y-E-S, 1T JS RATHER LONELY, YOU KNOW—1N FACT, I FIND IT AN AWFUL BORE! ! UNRECORDED SAYINGS OF GREAT MEN. ARON DE HOLBACH, Helvetius and D’Alembert were dining | one day at Madame Geoffrin’s. ‘* Voltaire est une tete-a-per- ruke,” said De Holbach, as Helvetius stabbed a potato and made a sweep with his arm that jammed the Baron's wig over his eyes. | “Voila une tete sans perruke,” cried D’Alembert, pointing with his finger at De Holbach’s bald head, whereat everybody laughed so, | the dishes rattled on the table and plaster fell off the wall. * * * OSWELL : Is slang ever justifiable ? Jounson : Yes, you dog. Ifa lady on entering a book-store, were to inquire for Merivale’s History of Rome, and the clerk were to proffer her Gibbon's Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, she | might with propriety exclaim : ‘ What are you Gibbon us ??” * * * * DDISON, seeing Pope one day being carried up into the air by a toy balloon he had purchased of a street vendor, shouted out to him that Lady Mary would become disenchanted could she see him wiggling his legs like a polywog in that ridiculous plight. Whereupon Pope, fearing the imperious beauty might appear on the scene, let go the string and, falling on the sage, made a sad wreck of his cocked hat. Steele, who was tippling in a coffee-house near by, and playing a game of crack-loo with Budgell for a pint of port, poked his head out of the door, and, with a sly wink at Addison, asked him if the impact of * In consideration of the brilliancy of the of the anachronism involved in the above will be overlooked. Pope's heels against his head had done much harm to his wit ? ‘‘Odd’s Zooks!” replied Addison, picking up his hat, ‘‘I felt it no more than avap of my lady’s fan; but I fear poor Pope, who has soared higher than his wont, has fallen lame and bruised his wings, if, indeed, he is not quite done for from the force of the blow.” At which Pope, as soon as he could catch his breath, piped out: ‘Don’t be alarmed, Jo; your head is too soft for that.” HV. S. HE next time the New York Base Ball Nine starts on its Western tour, it should leave the Mascot home, and take a Guide to the game along. HILADELPHIA’S contribution to the Charleston suf- ferers is a noble one. She gives up her claim to the title of Quaker City. MUSICAL MATTERS. OSTON YOUNG LADY (éo Chicago young lady): Young Mr. F. of your city, I understand, is a very fine interpreter at the piano ? CHICAGO YOUNG Lapy: Oh yes, indeed. The manner in which Mr. F. manipulates the ivories is very much admired | by the élite. A MAN who is always losing his temper, never seems to | have much trouble in finding it again. comicbooks.com