Life — October 8, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-LIFE- and I’m almost determined to claim it anyhow. Yes, if it had not been for that diabolical smoke-stack, I would have raked in the ‘jack pot’ to a dead certainty.” Morat: It smooths the wrinkled front of failure and defeat to explain how victory might have been won. THE RABBIT AND THE GOAT. GOAT once approached a peanut-stand that was kept by a Rabbit, purchased five cents worth of peanuts, laid down a dime, and received a punched nickel in change. In a few days the Goat came back, called for another pint of peanuts, and offered the same nickel in payment ; but in the meantime had stopped the hole in it with a peg. “T can't take that nickel,” said the Rabbit. “ This is the very nickel you gave me in change a few days ago,” replied the Goat. “T know it is,” continued the Rabbit, “ but I made no at- tempt to deceive you about it. When you took the coin the hole was wide open, and you could see it for yourself. In working that mutilated coin off on you I simply showed my business sagacity; but now you bring it back with the hole stopped up and try to pass it, with a clear intent to deceive. That is fraud. My dear Goat, I'm afraid the grand jury will get after you if you are not more careful about little things of Uncle Rastus: \'SE WALLIN’ TER "KNOWLEDGE DAT I | this sort.” STOLE DE HAM, SAH, BUT DAR AM NUARATIN’ MORAL: This Fable teaches that the moral quality of a SAHCUMSTAN' ERNECTED WID DE C. SAH. I WAS | business transaction often depends upon the view you take TOXICATED, SAH, AN DIDNT KNOW N EN WHAT I of it WAS "BOUT. Mr, X.: 1 DON'T BELIEVE YOU WERE INTOXICATED, UNCLE RASTUS. Uncle Rastus: "DEED I WAS, I KIN PROVE HIT. IF I HAD N'T BEEN DRUNK DAT NIGHT, YO" HONAH, I'D A TOTED OFF MOAN ONE HAM. FABLES FOR THE TIMES. THE MUSCULAR MULE, MUSCULAR Mule having signed a contract for a prize fight with a celebrated American pugilist, de- termined to harden his muscles by practicing on a freight train, Having taken a stand on the track while the train | was approaching, he remarked : “Now, I shall proceed to demonstrate the superiority of skill and science over mere brute force. That engine has enormous size and muscle, but it is wholly untrained. I'll bet a stack of fodder that I can out-box any train on this road.” UOTH an affable person in Kent When the engine got close enough the Mule delivered a Toa maiden, “ What might be your bent?” double-shotted broadside against it with both hind feet. But the maiden was mum, The next instant the bewildered and embarrassed animal For she chanced to be dumb, found himself lying in a neighboring field, with the green And could n't quoth back worth a cent. corn waving above him and the blue sky smiling overhead. “T've been stuffed out!” exclaimed the Mule, “I didn’t Said the stranger, “I wot not but what get a fair count! Any object passing through the air as I The weather is—— " (Then on the spot did describes a parabola; but I described twenty-seven para- He succumbed to the heat, bolas, for I counted them, This is a blamed piece of fraud And the maiden discreet and there's nothing fair about it. My feet got tangled in Never wotted just what he'd have wot.) the smoke-stack. But for that I would have won the heat, comicbooks.com