Life — July 2, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HAIL JULY. EXTRACTED FROM BARREN TENNYSON’S POST-HUMOROUS PIGEON-HOLE. HE small boy seeks the fountain, And calls for “ Sassperilla,” The maiden seeks the seashore, ‘The Roman seeks his villa ; The maiden at the seashore, Content with raising freckles, While papa toils at home To get his daughter shekels, Flirts with all upon the beach, And shortly lands her man, Who makes her change her nom de plume From Beersheba to Dan. The bold Italian opens up On Appianus Via’ A hostelry, where thirsty Popes Imbibe the foaming bee-ah. Now she upon the Jersey Coast And him of Via Appi, Are found to be quite frequently Exceedingly unhappy. For Dan will flirt with other girls, And Czsar’s slate is full ; The only pay he's like to get— A worthless Papal bull. But he who seeks the fountain, The small boy is the one Who, when July comes on the scene, Gets almost all the fun. He has the festive July Fourth, His crackers and his punk, And when he's hot he strips and jumps Into the pool—ker-plunk ! Dispise not, therefore, to be young, Or call for “ Sassperilla” ; Do n't be a maiden on the Coast, Or hanker for a villa, And when the heat is H-O-T, As on your back you lie, Remember that when you were young The boss month was July. . . * R. CHANDLER bet his fate on the Dolphin lost. We congratulate him. His fate was about as good a thing to lose as he had. T is to be hoped that our new Minister to Turkey will not prove to be such a Harem-Scarem sort of a fellow abroad as he was in Congress. * . * OME Italian naval enthusiasts are rejoicing over a dis- covery by which vessels may be made of glass. We fail to see the novelty of this. We have had glass schooners in use in this country from time immemorial. . . . ECORDER SMYTH has given Buddensieck ten years at Sing Sing. It was no shaky ten-he-meant, either. ]* yesterday's issue of the 7rsbune the interesting fact that the Dutch have taken Holland was overlooked. The rest of its news, however, was up to the usual seventeenth century standard. . . * NGLISH bankers are complaining of the number of light sovereigns in circulation. Has Her Majesty been using any anti-fat remedies ? * * . O UR country contemporaries are now struggling with two very important matters. One is why the Duke of Saltsbury, who is Beaconfield’s political heir, could n’t get the Premiership until the latter had been dead some years, and the other to confirm the report that Joe Smith's black-and- tan dog is dead. . . Herr thought for Punch: What are the relations now between (Randolph) Church(ill) and State ? T is customary now for the most prominent of our daily papers to print the “high water mark " of their circula- tion. If readers could get more reliable and less “highly watered " figures, this subject might be interesting. . * . «6 TS Christianity declining ?” asks a contemporary. No, declining is a peculiarity of Prohibition. . . . R. YATES was recently dined in London in honor of his return from “ Northern Latitudes.” This is a graceful way Englishmen have of expressing their gratification over the return of a comrade who has been “sent up.” comicbooks.com