Life, 1885-01-08 · page 5 of 16
Life — January 8, 1885 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis of Life Magazine Page 19 This page contains a first-person diary account titled "His Honeymoon" by W.R. Benjamin, describing newlywed struggles in a Washington, D.C. apartment. The text humorously documents domestic mishaps—unpaid bills, hiring household help, marital tensions, and a night in police custody over a cooking incident. The two sketched illustrations accompanying the text appear to depict scenes from this narrative: a man in domestic situations, likely illustrating the comedic misadventures described. Below is a separate satirical piece titled "A Nocturne" featuring dialogue between an Apothecary, Traveller, and Mr. Kark about missing a cab—wordplay-based humor typical of Life's satirical style. The humor targets newlywed domestic life and urban inconveniences of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
- LIFE: 19 HIS HONEYMOON. } ONDAY, Dec. 15TH.—I was married yesterday to Dolly. We had a grand display—flowers from Klun- der, supper from Pinard, and no end of wedding presents. I slipped old Tollemache’s check for $5,000 into my pocket and I will cash it this afternoon. I need the money badly, as I have pretty well used up the $500 | borrowed to get married on. Dolly looked lovely in her wedding dress. It is n't paid for, but Tollemache says he will fail next month, so it doesn’t matter. I hope he will fail as soon as possible, as he is always flush after a failure. After the reception we bade everybody good-bye and started for Washington, amid a shower of rice and old shoes. One of Tollemache'’s shoes hit a little beggar girl and I guess she's hurt, as I saw them carry her away. We didn’t get any further towards Washington than the Cosmopolitan Hotel, where we are now. Dolly says it don’t matter, as her set never come so far down town. We shall move into our flat inside of two days. It's on goth street | near Fourth avenue. Only $30 a month; but Dolly thinks it’s cost $100 a month, so it’s all right. Tuesbay, Dec, 16TH.—I tried to cash the check yester- day, and the cashier of the bank said that Tollemache had no account there. Guess I’m left on that. I've written to the old man to send the silver up to the flat. If it comes to the worst I can pawn some of it. 1 shall move to the flat this afternoon, as the hotel bill is mounting up and I have only $30 left. Dolly insists on ordering the most expensive dishes. I wanted her to take a trip on the Elevated Road to High Bridge, but she wouldn't go for fear some of her acquaint- | ances might see her. I have hired a girl for the flat (a big, strong thing—the girl, not the flat); her name is Maria. She is to do all the housework, as Dolly has been reared so deli- cately that she don't know how to do anything atall. My darling is very artistic ; she does the loveliest things in colored worsteds, and paints on plaques. WEDNESDAY, DE Things are rather mixed up just yet. There are no sheets on the bed. (Mem.—Must order some.) Had a rather plain breakfast this morning. Fried eggs, toast and tea; nothing in the house yet. Wedding presents came up; only plated ware left. Note from old Tollemache saying he had hired the solid silver for the occasion; left again! Dolly read a novel and I went out for a walk. Met Jones—congratulated me. Don’t think he was seri- ous. Came back to lunch—eggs and toast again. Dolly won't go out until she has been a week “in Washington.” Went down to shop and told them I would be back to work on Monday. Meant to stay away longer, but must have money, Went back to dinner. No dinner. Cook drunk. Smashed stove. Dolly locked in her room, crying. Sent for policeman and gave him fifty cents to take cook away. Dol- | ly and I got dinner at restaurant. Lit a fire in the stove and passed evening at home. Dolly fell asleep in chair, Shaved myself and cut a big gash in my chin. fire in stove. Went out three times and filled house with *. 17TH.—Here we are in the flat. smoke. Forgot to turn dampers on. People came from other flats and asked if we were on fire. Dolly got up at ten. Asked her to cook breakfast while I set the table. Refused; said she was not brought up to be a servant. Told her that her father had carried a hod—true—had it from his old boss. She cried again. Boiled eggs and toast. Dolly read novel. I went for a walk in the park—visited museum—saw chim- panzee; wished I was chimpanzee—no trouble, no expense, everything prepared for you. Fripay, DEC. 19th.—Asked Dolly to go after another girl. Refused, said she was afraid. Went myself—hired stout col- ored woman. Sent her home. Took lunch down town. Came back to dinner. No dinner. Colored woman stayed two hours and ran away with all the table-ware. Got dinner at restaurant. Dolly says she is sick. Took herhome. Old man mad—says she can only stay till Monday. Advertised flat to rent, furnished. Went out to see the boys and make a night of it. Forget the rest. SATURDAY, DEC. 20th.—Slept in Police station. Taken to Jefferson Market Police Court. Justice Duffy said I had be- haved very badly—fined $10. Told him I was married on Monday and was celebrating. Fine reduced to $5. Here I am in the “cooler.” Only got $2, so I'll have to stay until Monday; wish I hadn’t got married ; wish I was dead. Glad I'll be out in time to go to work. Guess I'll leave Dolly with old man fora month, then I'll try boarding. Don’t think I was meant for a married man. W.R. BENJAMIN. A NOCTURNE.—TIME 4 A.M. Apothecary; WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT, WHAT IS 11? Traveller; MR. KARR, I’ MIN A HURRY, Apothecary (furious): MISSED A CAR! WHAT IN oy | THUNDER DO YOU COME TO TELL ME ABOUT IT FOR? Tuurspay, DEC. 18th.—Got up at nine o'clock and lighted | Don't you KNO TO STAND STILL AND WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE? comicbooks.com