Life — November 13, 1884 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE SCIENTIFIC POPOLOGICAL. N apparently well informed writer in the Paris Gaz/ods, gives full instructions as to how the Pope should be addressed by anxious correspondents. It is explained that His Infallibiliousness has, of necessity, so large a correspondence, comprising all the crowned heads of Europe, Priests in Ireland and Annunciators generally throughout the world, that he has to employ a large number of Private Secretaries to read the communications and answer them. It is not surprising then that in the ignorance of Popological Etiquette, many admirers of the present incumbent of the Vatican fail to receive answers to their letters. The Chief Secretary to Mr. Leo is Mgr. Buckall, whose name would seem to suggest some connection with the cele- brated Papal Bull. This reverend gentleman has two daily sessions in the “Toe Room” of the Vatican, where all letters for his Holy Superior are brought. If Mr. Buckall considers the letters fit to meet the eye of the head of the church, he blesses them and sends them up by a little choir boy in a red shirt. If, on the other hand, they are of too earthly a nature, they are condemned to everlasting ex-communicativeness and consigned to a little wicker catacomb under the Mgr.’s table. It may be well to state that we will give a handsome chromo to the gentleman who will pronounce the word Mgr. correctly once in five trials. Now the question is, in pure Saxon, how to give old Buck- all the go by? To do this, says the Gau/ors: “ Inclose the letter in three envelopes, all three sealed and each one bearing this super- scription :— To His Holiness, Pope Leo XIIT., Prefect of the Congregation of the Holy Office at the Vatican, (Personal.) Rome. The prelate in charge opens the first envelope, then the sec- ond, but at the third he is obliged, under penalty of excom- munication, not to open it, and to hand it to the Holy Father.” It is said that this method was suggested by a young American Soap Manufacturer who wanted his advertisement to reach the Pope; and knowing Mgr. Buckall’s practice, in- closed his circular in three envelopes, each sealed, and the first addressed as above. It reached the Vatican all right and Mr. B., as usual, opened it. What was his surprise when he beheld on the envelope within, the letters : SOLD! Gently murmuring three quarters of his prayer book to him- self, he threw a choir-boy out of the bay window and tore open the other envelope. labeled Within he encountered a third, SOLD AGAIN, BUCKY! This was too much ; and hastily putting on his cardinal red derby and his embroidered slippers, he rushed up stairs to the Pope’s headquarters. “See here! your Popiness,” said he, “ what do you make of this?” Leo 13, who was just finishing his breakfast, chanted five books of Latin and turning, remarked : “That you, Buck! How’s the election gone? No bad news I hope? Most time to collect our Peter’s Pence dividend n’est ce pas! _Lum-ti-tarty!” “No, Your Goodness Graciousness, no. But here’s a note for you, post-marked New York; and as I know you've in- fluential friends there and the hieroglyphics seem to imply that it was only for the exalted eye of number XIII, I didn’t want to make an excommunication of it, you know.” “ Ah, I see,” replied the Pope. “You would Tiara Saint, Buck with those jokes of yours. Letters see the letters! What ’s this ? ‘Dear Mr. Pope: Please use our soap.’ “Just tell him ‘Nope.’ It’s a cold day when we get left in Rome, Buck.” And the Pontiff ended his audience by presenting his toe—not to be kissed—with sufficient force to land the Secretary in his comfortable arm chair, three flights below, before he had time to collect the postage due on the letter, from his Infallible Master. JoHN KENDRICK. ae yA, y da, har come pes Vaw-dust of the Year, Hence icbooks.com