Life — November 13, 1884 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CREDITOR having knocked at the door, the fast young man’s simple-hearted servant opens it. “Ts your master in?” “T cannot say, sir ; I will see.” “Tell him I have gone traveling,” says the young man. servant does so. “Hum! When'll he return from his journey?” says the dis- appointed creditor. “T don’t know, sir. But”—as a happy thought strikes him— “Tl go and ask him, sir.” The ‘*Ou, boatman is there any danger ? this river?” “No, mum, no; never. day or two.” Is anybody ever lost on We allus pick up the bodies after a Tuey were discussing their natatorial capacity. “Swim? Dive? Why, I can remain under water twenty minutes at a time.” ‘Only twenty minutes? Why, the other day I stayed under water a whole hour. To be sure, it was because I fell into a doze and overslept myself, but still” (The other liar faints.) —French Jokes. A Boston lady took her six-year-old daughter to see Henry Irving play Hamiet, After the performance the mother said: “Well, dear, how did you like Mr. Irving?” “*He’s the worst Bunthorne 1 ever saw,” was the reply.—Puck. 279 TRIPPING THE MAZY, “ A-ARE y-you a-an admirer o-of s-s-soldiers ?” asked a West Point cadet of a young miss with whom he was waltzing. He was short of breath and growing dizzy.‘ I-I d-do n't k-know,” she replied. I-I n-never s-saw any.”—Sun, “Wuat is more awful to contemplate,” said a lecturer, glaring about him, “than the relentless power of the Maelstrom?” And a henpecked-looking man in the rear of the building softly re- plied, ‘* The femalestrom.”—Zx. “How to Tell a Mad Dog,” is the title of an article that is going the rounds. We have n’t anything to tell a mad dog that we could n’t send to him on a post card.—Zx. “ FELLOW-CITIZENS,” said an orator, standing on a barrel amid the glare and smoke of many torches, “ my position upon this question is a peculiar one.” And just then, when the bar- rel caved in, and let him down in the shape of a letter V, gripped by the neck and heels, the crowd rather thought it was.—Zx, WEARS THEM HIMSELF, “HeE’s got ‘em on! He’sgot ‘em on!” triumphantly exclaimed young Johnny Jarphly at the breakfast table, **Got wot on?” asked his mother in surprise. ‘‘ What ails you, Johnny? What are you peeking under the table for? ‘Why do n’t you sit up straight and eat your meal ?” “"Pah’s got ’emon! I see 'em!” emphatically asserted the Jarphly’s heir. “Got wot on, sir? Wot are you talking about 2” sternly asked his father. “Why, you got your pants on, and I heard Mr. Smiff say he thought Mah wore ’em.”—Pitéshurg Telegraph. HE PUBLIS HERS OF LIF OFFER UNUSUAL ADVANTAGES TO THOSE WHO PROPOSE ISSUING ILLUSTRATED Books, PAMPHLETS, CATALOGUES, CIRCULARS, ETC., AND WHO DESIRE WORK OF AN ARTISTIC ORDER. ESTIMATES GIVEN, AND BOTH TEXT AND ILLUSTRATIONS FURNISHED IF DESIRED. HENRY HOLT & CO. have ready: Callirrhoé and Rosamund. Poems. By Michael Field. 16mo, $x 25, ‘Tue Lonpon Saturpay Review says of it: “Jt is many years since we have read a new poem so instinct with the immutable attributes of poetry so free from cant and trick, and animated by an inspiration so warm and native and unfailing * #84 poet of notable endorsements and dis~ tinguished powers.” ‘we LoxDon Spectator says: Poems of great THE GENUINE FRANK B.CONVERSE THE FRANK B. CONVERSE Banjo Instruction and Salesroom, 61 West 42d Street, New York. JACQUES KRAKAUER, (FROM LONDON,) Ladies’ Tailor, 2g E. 21st St., N.Y. promise *** we have found a wealth of surprises in the strength, the simplicity and the terseness of the imaginative feeling they display * * * If that has not the trie poetic fire in it—dramatic fire, too, as well as poetic—the present writer ‘must be destitute of all discernment. To him it sounds like the ring of a new voice, which is likely tobe heard far and wide among English speaking peoples.” —— COMMON SENSE BINDER: FOR BINDING ‘LIFE: Cheap, Strong and Durable, Will hold 26 numbers. Mailed to any part of the United States for $1. Address, office of * LIFE,” 1155 Beoapway,N. Y, Ladies in quest of Seasonable Street Costumes and Elegant Rid- ing Habits should not forget that my garments have won universal praise by all who have entrusted their patronage to the skill of my establishment, I beg also to inform patrons that every order My Friends and I, Three stories, edited by Julian Sturges. x6mo. Leisure Hour Series, $x. isure Moment Series, 25 cents. New cheaper edition of Heine's Book of Songs. Translated by C. G. Leland, r6mo, 75 cents. ERE BO got “Ove, COLGATE & CO. * * 7OiLeT SOP: Color—white. Quality—absolutely pure. ‘Washing properties—unsurpassed. Perfume—novel & exceptionally strong. With the tasteful and refined it is the Lam horribly ner- Most popular of all superfine toiet | vous—scarcely get a soaps. wink of sleep. DO YOU SLEEP? from out of town, as well as in the City, receives my personal supervision. Oss’s THEN OVAL ‘ ane BELFAST, IRELAND MANUFACTORY *A'N ‘Aempeoig 7& ‘SSOU ‘H AUNAH OUR SPECIALTIES. Ricuty Bouxp anp I:tustratep Girt Books STANDARD AND MisceLLaNgous LiTERATURE. STATIONERY FOR FASHIONABLE Society. Weppine, Reception AND VisttinG Carps, Picrortac ENGRAVING ON STHEL PLaTes. GEO. R. LOCKWOOD & SON, Publishers, Booksellers, Stationers & Engravers 812 Broadway, New York. 1 was precisely that way myself before I took VERVE.