Life — June 19, 1884 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE dency to free-thinking is uniformly repulsive even to men of the same inclining themselves. By the same odd rule, habits of carelessness and disorder hurt the trade, whatever the ways of possible customers, and to dwell unduly, in the presence of those customers, on dress, trinkets, and the faults of others, would some- times depress the market two or three points in a day. E are in receipt of a new contemporary from California, entitled “Kind Words.” We suppose the title was chosen to insure everlasting life, as kind words can never, etc. ODE TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT. I. MIGHTY Tongue Too Long (If such should be thy true orthography}, To thee I pipe a song Of zodlogic fancy and geography. . I knew thy sire, A pink-eyed, palsied brute Of some ability, Whom wassail and forbidden fruit Had changed from manhood’s virile fire To fat senility ; Thy worthy dam, A frisky maid of scarce a ton, Whose happy heart was set upon A tusker from Siam. But Burmah’s despot, in his pride, To irritate and rough her, Did tear her from her lover's side And made her the heart-broken bride Of the old detested duffer. Ill. Thou wert the fruit, Unhealthy brute, Of that unnatural marriage. Thy father’s vice Accursed thee thrice— In color, cast and carriage. Thy pinkish eyes and splotches red, Thy leprous feet and swollen head, A head most macrocephalous, Proclaim thee, Tongue, The victim young Of scrofula and hydrocephalus. lv. et thou may’st serve a mission, beast ! Ard in thy work may be a priest ! Thdu ’rt fabled to bring woe Wherever thou may'st go. If thou ‘It annihilate and make a corse Of What-is-it and woolly horse, Of caravan and peanut man, Steam organ, calliope and their clan Of humbugs, vile and coarse— We'll hail thee, hideous thing, Of elephants, the King. HUNGRY! PLEASE DROE A NOMINATION wme HAT. Fees THM : Ca) Said Benjamin Franklin Butler, “I ’D give my old boots for the Presidencye, And wiggle my thumb in the national pie, But I’m destined to sit and destined to sigh, And woefully wink my double cockt eye. Coz why? My boom ’Il be nix in the coming July ; Some dark horse ’Il scoop up the Presidencye. THE POLITICAL SITUATION. By our Special Heeler. S soon as your correspondent became himself again after the nomination of the Plumed Knight, he began the round of interviewing the would-be President and those who were left on the frigid side of the fence at Chicago. General Grant, who up to the time of his recent Wall Street operations was regarded as a dark horse, and who is still, accord- ing to some benighted people, somewhat under a cloud, was the first one upon whom I called. 1 was met at the door by the Gen- eral’s son, who informed me that there was no use of sending up my name, inasmuch as his father was feeling so small these days, that while he might see me, he had serious doubts of my being able to see him. I deemed it best, however, not to rely too much on young Grant's statements, and sent up to the Gen- eral to ask what he thought of the situation. He sent down word that “ Ward ought to be hung,” and he wished me Az revoir. I then left his house, meeting one of his counsel on the way out, who informed me in confidence that the General contemplated emigrating into a hole and then exporting it. He thought the chances of the General for getting through his present difficulties were good, as the great soldier has put up his silence, which, I was reminded, is golden, among his assets. Public opinion, however, on the other hand, demands a little small change in the way of silver, and the General would do well to put scme in cir- culation, From Mr. Grant I went to see my old friend Steve Elkins, Boomer of the Blaine Boom. Shortly after my arrival there, James himself came in, looking the picture of health, wealth and happiness. comicbooks.com