Life — May 22, 1884 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE - WHO’S WHO? NDER this charmingly alliterative caption, one Mr. Hy- lande-MacGrath, a hyphened gentleman, dwelling re- motely in Maiden Lane, has floored our haughty and exclusive coteries with brilliant dodgers. He proposes, say the dodgers, to include, in a gorgeous and two-dollar-and-a-half book, “all those who hold any definite position or have a recognized right to position in Metropolitan Society as the result of : 1. ‘‘ High official station in the Executive, Judicial, or Legisla- tive branches of the National, State, or Municipal Government.” (N. B.—This takes in the Aldermen.) 2. “Superior rank in the Church, Army, Navy, or National Guard” (see Jerry Macauly). 3. ‘Conspicuous public services—patriotic, political, or diplo- matic” (including John Kelly, Pop Whittaker, Hubert O’Thompson, Roscoe Conkling, and Billy McGlory). 4. “Eminent philanthropy” (this means Wm. H. Vander- bilt, Jay Gould, Cyrus Field, and Gallows Isaacs). ‘ Public spirit ” (this again means the aldermen, who certainly own nine- tenths of the public spirit), ‘or personal worth” (this last may possibly signify Mr. V. again). 5. “Notable achievements in Science, Art, or Literature” (here will appear Keely, the National Academicians,’G. W. Childs, and possibly G. Francis Train). 6. “The founding or support of religious, charitable, or educa- tional institutions or associations ” (this will probably be a para- graph). 7. ‘‘ The promotion of scientific, historical or literary research” (embracing, of course, the trustees of the Lenox Library). 8. “Prominence in the professions, or in the monetary, com- mercial or social world” (ahem ! here we will have some really fine work). 9. “Distinguished Ancestry,connection or alliance.” [Beautiful! beautiful ! nothing could be so rich in promise, and—only think of it !—all for two dollars and a half, bound in morocco. ] 10. “ The Representatives of Foreign Governments, Potentates, Peoples, Institutions and Orders.” [This should include G. W. Childs and the local agent for John L, Sullivan, but it probably wont.] Here follows this delicious and enthusiastic burst : “The plan of WHo’s Wuo is similar in essential respects to that of the well-known Dedrett, dealing with titled British Socie- ty, and the famous A/manach de Gotha, dealing with the ruling families of Europe. In the annual task of preparing and revising these European publications, their Editors have the personal assistance of the no- bility. 4 similar codperation has already been graciously accorded to the preparation of this Annual by prominent citizens, and a still larger collaboration is promised, insuring a completeness otherwise unattainable. ‘The ‘Assistance of the Nobility” is good. Where every gen- tleman or lady may write up his or her own pedigree, biography and history, with qualities and accomplishments set down in full, we may expect a great deal for two dollars and a half, For, as our enthusiasic contemporary, the Home Yournal, naively re- marks :— 285 “Dr, HYLANDE-MACGRATH, a gentleman favorably known for his genealogical researches, is preparing for publication a work of the above significant title. Its scope will be beyond the directories of people of wealth and fashion which have been is- sued of late years, the intention being not simply to give an al- phabetical list of ‘persons distinguished by their position in so- ciety, but to add in each case a succint biographical notice. * * * That the editor may be accurate in his statements of fact, he follows the example of Debrett and Sir Bernard Burke, and appeals directly to those who are concerned to aid him in the preparation of his manuscript.” And so we are to have it. Shall we also have the coats of arms and grandfathers? But, no! Let us not expect or pray for too much. The coats of arms are easy, but the grandfathers good heavens, our nobility must draw the line somewhere. UNCLE ’SI’S MUSINGS. HAM AND EGGS, EGGS. OTHING that pegs Around on legs Is more than dregs To Eggs. HAM. Neither Yam Nor nice spring-lamb Is worth a—clam Side o’ Ham. COMBINED We do find They fill the rind Of all mankind— Ham and Eggs! THE PRESIDENCY. OLLOWING in the footsteps of the Hera/d, Lire recently sent out a circular letter to the Governors of all the States in the Union, as well as to some of the more prominent officers of the United States, asking for answers to the three following questions : 1. Whom do you consider the best man for Presi- dent to-day ? 2. What platform would you suggest on which to elect a President ? 3. What are your views on the tariff ? The following is the text of the various letters re- ceived at the hour of going to press : [Ex-Governor Butler.] Boston, May 15th, 1884. Editor of LIFE: Your letter to Gov. Robinson came by mistake to me. By sheer force of habit I opened it. Robinson must be very busy just at present. I know I was last year about this time, getting ready for the Harvard degree, which for some reason or other I did not receive, I hardly know why ; perhaps they didn’t put enough postage on it. In answer to your questions, I would say that my idea of the platform is ‘‘one that will hold the candidate.” My ideas on the tariff I could hardly state in so limited a scope as this letter. Finally, as to who is the best man to-day for the Presidency, I would state that I am Very truly yours, Benj. F. BuTLer. comicbooks.com