Life — February 21, 1884 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

110 time her predatory urchin to chide. N was the neigh- bor passing along who wondered why the boy cried. O was the oration delivered by mama to the penitent boy ather feet. P was the pic-nic that took"place ina room somewhat back from the street. Q was the question mama debated, with what her dear boy she should beat. R was the resolve and the boy was bade the in- strument of torture to get. S was the slipper so deli- cate and small and the cause of his eyes being wet T were the tears that wicked boy shed, as he felt he was not mama’s pet. U was the unrest he experienced that night, as at the supper table he sat. V. was the vow he solemnly swore to take it all out on the cat. W was the whaling he got from papa, when he heard what his son had been at. X were the excuses the wicked boy made all in vain. never to do so again. Z was the zeal with which the father laid on the cane. &c. was the apple, so rosy and red, that still lay all alone on the shelf. Car-rare—the train-boy's stock in trade. THAT VALENTINE. ATRICIUS De VERE O'DOWD loved the fragile Amarylis McGettigan. P. De Vere O'D. revelled 'midst si satins and fine laces ; in short he was surrounded by all that money could buy or the | heart yearn for—he was a clerk in a Broadway dry- goods store. But he was not happy. He was poor but Trish. The high-born Amarylis was the only daughter of a retired millionaire politician who had fortunately been contemporary with the late Wm. Tweed. Patricius and Amarylis had met, murmured and mutualized. three consecutive months had they lived on caramels and love's young dream. For three months had Patri- cius’ laundry bill ramained unpaid, and for three did he and Ama. McG, float upon an expensive sea of periodic opera nights and don-bons. On the fated evening upon which our story opens Patricius was informed by his laundress that certain indispensable articles of clothing necessary for his presentable appearance in public would not be forth- coming until his long-standing ablutionary debt -had been liquidated. ‘The laundress was Hibernically mad and could not be cajoled into any compromise ; so Patricius wended his way linenless and sad He was sadder when his inexorable boarding mam politely but peremptorily demanded her weekly stipend for furnishing indigestible board and adamantine bed- ding. The residue of his not munificent weekly “salary” he invested in an elaborate valentine for his amorette. * * * * * * From force of habit Patricius glided towards the dom- icile of his love. He had just rang the bell when like a thunder-clap it broke upon him that upon this very night he promised to take her to the opera; before he had time to make his escape down the stoop, the front Y the youth's promises | For | -LIFE-: door was opened and he was ushered in by a footman. Weak and fainting, he dropped into a chair and blankly stared into space. He hears the rustling of a dress upon the stairs ; shall he make his escape by jumping from the window? Shall he throw himself upon her clemency when she enters and passionately whisper into her ears those burning words she has been so ardently waiting for? And then shall he conclude by revealing his humble condition in life, the many difficulties he had to surmount to purchase tickets for the opera and the hiring of the necessary dress suit— shall he tell her? She enters in full evening dress with an enchanting smile upon her lips, but when she beholds him without his evening dress suit she knows her dream of opera is o'er for that evening, and with an icy courtesy she sinks upon an opposite chair. That icy bow congealed the forthcoming revelation and he told not how his manly heart was throbbing. The frigidity continued between the proud lovers during the evening to such an extent that had the Hud- son river been between them it would have been frozen to its lowest depths. The patrician spirit of Patricius De Vere O'Dowd was too proud to stoop to explain to his Amarylis why on that eve the opera knew them not. He smiled as he thought of the following week when he would send that gorgeous valentine, how he would explain all and be received forever into her bosom. That night as Amarylis abstractedly hung her teeth on a peg and dropped her bangs in a glass of water she musingly murmured, “Is he going to give me the G. B.?” * * * * * * Amarylis had a little brother. ‘The little brother had a little chum... They met and resolved themselves into a committee of the whole with closed doors. Between Anfarylis and her little brother there was a social chasm—cause, incompatibility of temper which could only be bridged over by the frequent votive offerings of pennies on the part of Amarylis. During the past three months the soul of the sister had been too much absorbed in love to think of such sordid emotions as pennies. Thus the chasm widened. Patricius De Vere O'Dowd had a bad habit of using polysyllabic words, and in the presence of his prospect- ive diminutive brother-in-law quoted Swinburnian couplets with adolescent recklessness. These were, to the brother of Amarylis and his chum, unpardonable crimes. Now these juveniles were young in worldly wisdom, and to them valen- tines had no other significance than such as were con- ducive to practical jokes, termed by them “ rackets.” The brother and his chum invested all their weekly allowance of pennies in the purchase of valentines. * * * * * * On Tuesday as Pairicius was about to send his gorgeous valentine to its destination the postman | delivered to him an envelope. With trepidation he opened it: an ugly cartoon of a baboon attired as a dude met his gaze; it bore the unnecessary title “A | Brainless Idiot.” EEE comicbooks.com