Life — September 20, 1883 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

142 being struck with an ayle mug during a quarrelle in ye taverne of Joun Van Wycke.” Concerning WouTER VAN TWILLER VAN Vries, nephew of the foregoing, history is silent, so the present generation is indebted for knowledge that he existed at all, to the patient researches of the little old gentleman who works up pedigrees to order in the Society Library building, and who has traced his own lineage back to Japhet. Of Gretta VAN Vries we find one mention—that she married, in 1798, DreTRICH KOBBLESTON, who himself was never mentioned before nor has been since. We are indebted, however, to the aforesaid little old gentleman who worked up Mrs. KATRINA VAN Vates Hopkins née Kopateston’s pedigree in the Society Library at $75 a page (vide the gilt-edged volume on her library table), and who has traced his own lineage back to Japhet, for the in- formation that, in absence of contrary evidence, it is probable that Dietrich KOBBLESTON was lineally descended from LispENARD Kops eston, who is mentioned once in history as having ‘* pur- chased” land from the Raritans, at, the exceedingly low price of one gallon for a hundred acres. There is a Dietrich Koss.e- STON mentioned as having been confined for debt in the old jail at the corner of Dock street and Coenties slip, where for four years he thrived by hanging his shoe out of the dormer window for alms; but for some occult reason this fact is not entered in the emblazoned volume which lies upon the table of Mrs. KATRINA Van Vries Hopkins, #¢e KoBBLESTON, and which was so care- fully prepared for her by the aforesaid patient little old gentleman in the Society Library building, who has already traced his own lineage back to Japhet. Of Kittan Kossieston, father of Mrs. KATRINA VAN VRIES Hopkins, née KOBBLESTON, modern history says much. His father’s portion of the noble estate wrested by LEYDEN VAN Vries from the ruthless savages had dwindled, and so, when he came of dge, he embarked in the grocery business (whoiesale) and derived therefrom a revenue sufficient to enable him to marry and do the world a tremendous favor by siring the present in- cumbent of the proud name, Mrs, KATRINA VAN Varies Hopkins, née KopBLESTON, after which generous feat he unfortunately expired. Of Mrs. Katrina Van Vries Hopkins’ (#¢e KoppLeston) marriage with the plebeian but opulent Joun Hopkins, it is better to say but little. Indeed, when the patient little aforesaid old gentleman in the Society Library compiled the $75 pages of the pedigree which lies upon Mrs. KATRINA VAN Vries Hopkins’ (née Koppieston) library table—having first traced his own lineage from Japhet—he makes but the barest mention of the affair, dismissing it, in fact, with the line : “M. June 17th, 1869—Joun Hopkins.” Below, however we find the following, which is of more importance : “Hap Issue: March 12th, 1871—LisPENARD VAN Vries Kopn- BLESTON. Sept. 3rd, 1873 KATRINA KoOBBLESTON VAN VRIES. April 29th, 1875 —LeyDEN VAN Vries KopBLESsTON. Dee. toth, 1879 —WouTeER VAN TWILLER VAN VRIES Kopsieston, Ob. Dec. 3oth, 1879. May 19th, 1882—Gretta KopsiesTon.” - LIFE: Thus we see that although the gross name of HopkINs obscured the Knickerbocker effulgence for a while, it is now emerging, scintillant with Lispenarps, Leypens, VAN VriEs and Kos- BELSTONS enough to perpetuate the family pride through endless time, We do not find, however, even among the $75 pages compiled by the patient little old aforesaid gentleman in the Society Library Building—who has traced his own lineage to Japhet— any mention of the other branches of Mrs. KATRINA VAN VRIES Hopkins’ (née Kopseston) family. We know that she was the daughter of KiLiAN Kopsieston. But by whom? KILIAN KoBBLESTON was the son of Dietricn Kope.eston, Dietricit must have had a mother. Who was she ? Who were her parents ? What were theirs? It thus appears, by going back three gene- rations, that out of fourteen not only possible but necessary an- cestors of Mrs, KATRINA VAN Varies HopKINs (née KOBBLESTON), the patient little old gentleman in the Society Library—who has traced his own lineage to Japhet—has only scored four, leaving ten absent and unaccounted for. This only leaves to Mrs. KATRINA VAN Vries Hopkins (née KOBBLESTON) one drop of KopBLesTon and VAN Vrirs blood to twenty-eight of blood which is unknown. The unknown is the abhorred of the aristocrat, and therefore Mrs. KATRINA VAN Vries Hopkins (née Kon- BELSTON) has excellent reason for holding twenty-seven twenty- cighths of herself in profound contempt, which perhaps accounts for her perpetual expression of chilly Aauteur, The worst is, that until each hiatus of the fourteen left by the patient little old aforesaid gentleman in the Society Library Building—who has traced his own lineage to Japhet—in the $75 pages of the pedigree upon Mrs. Katrina VAN Vries Hopkins’ (née Kop- BLESTON) table, is filled, it is impossible to decide whether that estimable lady is indeed a Knickerbocker or not, AT A RESPECTFUL DISTANCE FROM BYRON. M Y nose is red, but not with beer, Nor grew it pink From too much drink, As some men’s noses have, I fear. (No, dearest reader, for the sun burned it most horribly at Narragansett Pier.) JOSHUA'S SPOON. A BRAHAM and Joshua had been invited to a splendid dinner. It was impossible for Joshua not to make capital out of such an opportunity ; accordingly he managed to slip a silver spoon into his boot. Abraham was green with envy at Joshua’s success, for he had not even manipulated a saltspoon. But an idea struck him. “My frents," he cried, “I will show you some dricks.” Taking up a spoon, he said, “ You zee dees spoon ?— Vell, it ees gone!" he cried, passing it up his sleeve. “You vill find it in Joshua’s bood.” It was found. comicbooks.com