Life — September 20, 1883 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-LI AMERICAN ARISTOCRACY. Newport Sept. rgth, 1883, To the Editor of Live. ARDON my intrusion upon your unwillingness to candor, but as in your last issue you evaded my question of legitimate American Aristocracy by an attack upon parvenus not entitled to the name, I beg you again to consider it. Ad uno disce omnes, Take any of the well-known Knickerbockers of New York—the F. F.'s of Virginia, the Mayflowers of New England, the Huguc- nots of South Carolina, or the Creoles of Louisiana, trace their pedigree to its source and see if from their blooded granaiathers, to the manner born, they do not justly inherit the refinement and esprit de l'ancien regime which mark the true aristocracy. Kitt Von Kutt, € VISFVI- VBI SNM: Ab uno disce omnes, We cannot wantonly mention persons in private life, but our esteemed subscriber of course knows Mrs. Katrina VAN Vrigs Hopkins (n¢e KoBBLESTON), whose name is conspicuously displayed in the record of every social occasion, by our highly esteemed contemporary, the Mew York Sun, and other court journals. Mrs. KATRINA VAN Vries Hopkins (née Konsteston) is a Knickerbocker from that quaint little centre of Knickerbocker pride known remotely as Waibac, and is, beyond question, to Knickerbocker circles what that rude implement, the kingbolt, is to a Murray Hill drag. So important, indeed, is Mrs. Ka- TRINA VAN Vries Hopkins, née KoBBLESTON, that each mom- ing our highly esteemed contemporary, the New York Sun, and other court journals, give unlimited space in leaded nonpareil to a record of her daily movements, to the end that her humble ad- mires, the public, may know where Mrs. KATRINA VAN VRIES Hopkins, née Kopp.eston, was on the previous day ; whose din- ner Mrs. KATRINA VAN Vries Hopkins, n¢e¢ KOBBLESTON, con- descended to grace; whom Mrs, Katrina VAN Vrirs Hop- kins, née KOBRLESTON, vouchsafed to meet on that happy occa- sion, and, so far as vulgar type can convey such refined gorgeous- FE- 141 ness, what millinery Mrs. KATRINA VAN Vries HopkINs, née Kossteston, deigned to wear. Asthe Knickerbockers who live in ineffable but somewhat mildewed grandeur on Stuyvesant and Washington Squares admit to their exclusive teas whomsoever Mrs. Katrina VAN Vrizs Hopkins, née Koppieston, admits to her more elaborate receptions, it must be conceded that for an example of Knickerbocker aristocracy, our selection of Mrs. Ka- TRINA VAN Vries Hopkins, née KopBLEsTON, is fitting and ju- dicious. Mrs. KATRINA VAN Vries Hopkins, née KOBBLESTON, is in- disputably a Knickerbocker. As the entire civilized world knows, her father, KILIAN KOBBLESTON, was the son of Diet- RICH KOBBLESTON, whose wife, GRETTA VAN VRIES, was a grand- daughter of WouTER VAN TWILLER VAN Vries, whose uncle, LEYDEN VAN Vries, was among the Walloons who came over with PeTex MINUITS in 1624, and settled at Walle Bocht, on what is now known as Austincorbinwyk, or Long Island. LrypEN’ VAN Vries was, therefore, the fountain-head from which the aristocracy of Mrs, KATRINA VAN Vries HEPKINS, née KoBBLESTON, sprang, and to LEYDEN VAN VRIES we must there- fore look for those elements of grandeur which have been so abundantly transmitted. Unfortunately history is criminally frugal with particulars in this great case. It merely men- tions that in 1624 one PETER MINuITs brought over a number of convicted Dutch heretics, to whom America or jail were absolute alternatives, Armed with the consciousness of right and some little brandy, these Walloons purchased land from the natives. The Knickerbocker method of pur chasing land was simpler and more effective than that em- ployed in these effete days. It was merely to get the susceptible savages drunk, and then by the tender of two cakes of red paint and a cracked mirror, induce their chief to sign a deed for as many square miles of land as the Walloons thought they might want, When the Indians recovered from this cheap debauch and repented, the Walloons fell upon and massacred them, thus fore- stalling all tedious or unpleasant litigation. A quaint chronicler thus describes one of these enjoyable occasions, “ Actinge by ye authoritie of ye Govern’r, ye armd partie crossed ye Hudson on ye nyghte of ye 25 of Feb., 1643, and fell upon ye Indians. No resistance they offerde, and in ye still- ness of ye nyghte ye noise and bruite of musketrie and ye shrieks of ye ruthless savages were hearde on ye islende (Manhattan), Menne, women and children were slayne; infants, bounde in theyre barke cradles, were flunge into ye icie river, and ye franticke mothers, whodid plunge to ye rescue, were forcd back until they were drownde, Among these were two children of LEYDEN VAN Vries by a younge Indian mayde, whome he did himself drowne for he had taken unto himself a new wyfe in New Amsterdam. LeypeN VAN Vries was then mayde governor of ye new colony, which praisd Godde for his valoure.” ‘This is the first mention made of LEYDEN VAN Vries, the first narration of how he acquired title to his property, and the first historical index to his character. A similar American aristocrat, Mr. Jesse JAMES, was recently made famous by acquiring pro- perty in the same way, and would no doubt have sired a long line of a species of Missouri Knickerbockers, but for painful circum- stances over which he had no control. But this is irrelevant. Of LeypeN VAN Varies’ subsequent life history says nothing, simply mentioning that he “ did dye of a blow upon hys hedde, comicbooks.com