Life — September 20, 1883 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DRESS. PUN is said to be a breach of good taste; then a couple of them must be a stylish pair of trousers, And what of a brace? But we are trespassing upon the territory of the unmentionable. Most men and salades need good dressing to be palatable. PROVIDENCE arranges the eter- nal fitness of things, but the tailor the infernal misfitness of clothes. Lapy Napperton talks of re- forming dress, but forgets that she is deforming it. There is division on this point. however, Bits of long standing and trous- ers of long sitting are better re- ceipted. THE point of a swell’s existence is his shoes; but a woman's exist- ence is sometimes even more point- lace. THE proverb: ‘Beauty una- adorned is best" was invented by a Frenchman at his first sight of alady in low neck and short sleeves. It might have been said equally truly of a cannibal queen. One swallow does not make a summer, nor one swaliow-tail a summer novel. A xapy’s boudoir is a powder magazine; preparatory to an ex- pedition into the very heart of the Village Preacher; Hatnt I DONE GONE TOLE YO’, EPH, DAT IT "Ss WICKED TO enemy, she has a little brush and CoTCH FISS ON DE Lop’s DAY? then raises her colors. Tue devil is not so black, nor a woman so fair as she is painted. oat Dea L. VAN Neck. CAWN'T 'CUSE ME. Ephraim (who hasn't had a bite all day): Wwo’s corcuin’ Fiss? Yo’ RECIPES FOR POPULAR SERMONS. V. ORATORICAL ORTHODOXY A LA REV. JOSEPH C Bow or roast some unctuous egoism turned heaven- ward—{this is as good as religion itself and comes much cheaper.} When quite warm pick off all the healthy feelings and chop them a little but not very small; cut up a large bunch of applause of God in the style of a congratulatory address and mix with the unctuous egoism. Boil some vulgar pomp hard, mash and mix with off- hand references to foreign travel, garbled accounts of the philosophy of Lotze, intemperate statements re- garding prohibition and a gill of feminine missionary spirit. Beat this mixture very thoroughly together and use it without notes and with a humid handkerchief. This salad is said to make even the “jerked meat of salvation "* toothsome. * “ Logic is the jerked meat of salvation.” BUSHNELL. DVIS FOR A FANTASTIC SERMON A LA HOMILETICAL MONKEY OF BROOKLYN, Make a nice paste and lay into a deep dish, turn yourself upside down in the centre. This will draw the attention under it and prevent it from boiling over; it also keeps the moral crust from falling in and be- coming clammy. Lay in the ejaculations, add a little seasoning, such as the dirty stories you might tell, the dirty stories you are going to tell next Sunday, and presidential prophecies; make a wide incision in the upper crust, so that when the pie is nearly done, you can pour in half a teacup of smiling liberality touched up with an unswerving belief in the bottomless pit. Secure the edges of the crust with newspaper para- graphs and ornament it with impressions of a cornet around the edges. Bake for an hour and in serving make each cut from yourself in the centre. Cericus. comicbooks.com