Life — August 23, 1883 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

taneously out of its inner depths and contend for elbow room, have less value than ideas that are un- thinkable, and which perceptibly influence our thoughts. (Cheers.) When we once get the notion in our heads that we have no ideas save those which are clearly and distinctly apprehended, there is no pleasure to be derived from living and we might as well lie under the sod.”” Next week’s programme is one of peculiar interest. The following questions are announced for debate : The origin of “ Me-tooism” in politics, and “ Too- tooism" in zxsthetics, with reference to the study of modern history. Liver-pads. In the absence of a logical nexus, is it policy to sew up the gaps in an argument with the thread of the discourse ? Was the statue hugged by Pygmalion a Cyprian girl in disguise ? Love as a self-extinguisher. Glucose in beer, Rays of Genius struggling through the keyhole of the closed door of the Intellect. Empty salt-cellars in the soul's cupboard, or our lost reckonings. The expediency of making the science of astrology, as taught by the Chinese and Etruscans, an elective study in common schools, with a view to improving the efficiency of the signal-service. Harotp VAN SANTVOORD. DIRECTIONS TO CEMETERY SUPERINTEND- ENTS. ANFTER a careful study of the methods pursued in the leading cemeteries of this country, we are able to give the follow- ing directions, which will prove valuable to all superintendents who desire to establish ‘* fashionable * cemeteries :— 1. Be very careful to make your grounds look as artificial as possible, It is bad taste to have any appointments which might suggest Nature. 2. Lay out large beds of tropical plants in designs such as crosses, anchors, etc.—the uglier the better. Visitors will be sure to admire such designs, and their admiration will be found to be inversely as the beauty of the designs. 3. Surround as many of the lots as possible with iron fences. This will give the inmates a sense of security. 4. Use your influence in having the monuments as striking aS possible. You can effect this by having the designs represent odd and inappropriate figures. Cross-eyed doves and clasping hands, like the advertisement of “ Welcome Soap,” are very pop- ular just now, 5. Have your grounds laid out as much like a checker-board as possible, and name your paths alphabetically, as Almond Avenue, Blueberry Street, Cucumber Lane, Doctor Alley, etc. 6. Have two or three artificial lakes in the grounds. Cultivate weeds in these, so that the surface may be covered with green scum to match the surrounding grass. 7. Take pains to have as many bunches of faded flowers as possible distributed through the lots, These should never be removed as they improve with age. 8. Place at regular intervals through the grounds figures of dogs or other animals. These will serve the double purpose of carrying out Rule 1 and of frightening medical students. JJ-J- comicbooks.com