Life — May 24, 1883 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-LIFE- A WARNING TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN. “TL MAVE BROUGHT You A DUDE JoKR wuicn I—" GREAT EXPECTATIONS. I" was a very small circumstance of a saloon, and had been opened but a few days. The proprietor, Mr. Michael O'Houlihan, stood at the front door and gazed at the vacant space across the street, where goats browsed contentedly upon tin cans and potsherds. “Do yez see me row av flats over there, sor-r-r?” he inquired, with a tone and air of importance. “Flats? No. I see no flats. Where are they ?” “Across the way, sor-r-r. Right forninst the two eyes av yez.” “T see nothing but a row of vacant lots.’ “It’s where me row av flats is gwan to be, sor-r-r. Do yez see me bar-r-r? I’ve got a bar’l av whuskey, an’ iverythin’ ilse accoordin’, an’ have opened out in shtoyle, an’ the byes take koindly to me, sor-r-r, an’ they say they mane to make me the district boss. Nixt fall I'll git elicthed Aldherman, an I'll have the whole av me hand in the Aqueduct pie, sor-r-r, Thin I'll give out the conthract fur the buildin’ av me flats, which I’ve made an offer fur the lots already,sor-r-r. Me inflooence in the war-r-d will make it chape to me, an’ me bar-r-r acrass the way will ketch a good bit av the workmin’s money, an’ I'll rint out the flats an’ shtart me a salune on the corner in the foinest shtoyle, sor-r-r, Thin I'll marry the Widdy Maloney, which she’s got an intrust in the lots, an’ Mike O’Houlihan’ll be wan jav the boss properthy houldhers av the city, sor-r-r.” His dream of wealth was interrupted by the arrival of an imported policeman, who tapped him on the shoulder. On! you Have, en! Wetr—!!—!!! “What's the matther wid yez?” demanded Mr. O'Houlihan, “T've got a warrant fur Misther O’Houlihan, fur breakin’ the Ixcise la’ by sellin’ whuskey widout li- cense. Come wid me quick, before I club the head aff av yez.” “Howly mither av Moses !”” muttered O’Houlihan, as he closed his door. ‘ A new policeman on the bate, an’ it'll bu'st up the business to shquare him !" THE WISH. A TOAD sat on the cold, cold ground— Thinking. An owl sat on a dead tree-top— Blinking. The toad was sighing for the joys Of Heaven ; The owl to thoughts of inner owl Was given. They both bewailed their dismal lot, Alas! Both prayed from them the bitter cup Might pass. Both prayers were heard, you may believe— Or not ; But, in the fact, I'll not deceive A jot. There, on the road, an angel showed i; The owl the toad. The toad he flipped, who thought he slipped To blest abode. The owl was peesel by his meal— Ah, well! Unshriven was toad, and down he went— Amen! comicbooks.com