Life — February 15, 1883 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- EYFE - 81 Dea-con faint-ed dead A-way, and could not be re-viv-ed by the Nig-ger Por-ter until the train reached Mil-wau-kee. The mo-ral of this pret-ty sto-ry, lit-tle Boys, is that it is ve-ry sin-ful to Ring-in on a cold Deck, un-less you are pos-i-tive-ly Cer-tain you know what the oth-er Gen-tle-man has in the Bug. H. G..C. Nors—It was suggested to the narrator of the above incident that the facts of the case did not warrant the use of “ pious” in connection with the St. Louis deacon. : In reply it’ was stated that although the mere fact of poker playing would detract from the religious reputation of an ordinary dedcon, with a St. Louis deacon the case isdifferent.—Ep. Lirg. IN THE SWIM. WFULLY stu- pid this after- noon. Snowing. Wonder whether the Fitzalmonts own a sleigh. Go to the window and watch ‘for it. There they are. Fearfully loud. They never can-do anything without letting everybody know it. What an at absurd idea, driving out in a rig like that. I suppose the girls would say it was “awfully Russian.” That’s the same old team of hacks they had down to the Branch last summer. It’s a wonder Bergh hasn’t taken pity on the poor beasts. There goes Tom. How that fellow manages to come out with the proper thing every time is a facer. Wish I’d left that confound- ed bacarat alone last week. Might have gone in for a sleigh myself. Shall never play the stupid game again, never ! Cut me down fearfully this month. How I shall ever pull through to the first is something I shouldn’t like to gamble on. Five o’clock. Time to dress for dinner. Let’s see, engagement with Bob and Jack at six. Then the theatre. Going to the theatre now-a-days is a bore. Nothing worth looking at. Here comes Travis. Wonder if he’s got a segar. No. Never knew him to have one yet. Strange how easy it is to give away segars, and how difficult to borrow when your case is empty. Suppose I shall have to buy one of the steward. Wonder if that stupid Englishman will have my clothes ready when I get home. Haven't much time to dress. Had almost forgotten. En- gagement at the Stephens’ this evening. Bore. * * * * * * * * Absurd fellows to dine with, Bob and Jack. Keep up such a fire of talk a fellow can’t get half a feed. Nota bad dinner, but no chance to do it justice. Now they are in for a theatrical argument. What the deuce do I care about Patti’s engagements for next sea- son, or Langtry’s adventures? Coffee. Just the part of the dinner I enjoy the most. Bob thinks it’s time we were off. Sodoes Jack. Bolt the coffee and throw away half of an excellent segar. ks Dine alone next time. Buy our tickets of a speculator. Bob says it’s-the proper thing to do. Shows a swell carélessness~in money matters. Very vadseats at twice the regular price. Fail to catch a word from the stage. In the lobby after the first act. Jack proposes we cut the show and go round to the club. ‘ * * ee * * Brandy and soda. Billiards. Never did playa de- cent game, and consider it the worst sort of a bore. Beaten as usual. Some one proposes poker: Plead an engagement, but finally consent to take a hand. I insist that I shall draw out at eleven sharp. * * * * * * Eleven. Have lost acool fifty. Some one reminds me in a joking way of my engagement. Hate fellows who joke. Say I cam put off the engagement half an hour or so. Twelve o’clock. Have sent good money after bad. Lost all desire to keep the engagement. Will send a little note in the morning saying I’m «sick, which is likely to be the truth from present appear- ances. Hate fellows who laugh and joke at the poker table. Jack always keeps up a rattle and’ puts me all out. Three o’clock. Still playing poker. Must be out about two hundred. Four o'clock. In a cab. Home. Tell the infernal. Englishman to call me at noon, and tumble into bed... Poker-is!.bad fotm any way. Shall—re-turn to» bac—a—no—give up playing cards from—from this out. Send—note—in—morning. CusToMER :—Have you any first class musical instru- ments ? SHOPKEEPER :—Yes sir; best stock in town, sir; can’t be beat. CusromeR (turning to go out) :—Can’t be beat, eh ? Sorry ; wanted a drum. ‘ RELIEF. Jt is gratifying to know that the long diplomatic correspon- dence between a prominent Club in St. Louis and a promin- ent Club in this city, relative to a proposed duel, has come toa satisfactory end, and that our distinguished and phonetic towns- man, who figured in the last upheaval of Southern honor, emerges with that effulgence which can only be imparted by a superior quality of Committee Kalsomine. : It is unnecessary to touch upon those features of St. Louis journalism with which our townsman, in the course of his excited travels, has had reason to disapprove. Suffice it to say that, after along and somewhat difficult perusal of several leading articles published in that brilliant but misguided city, he thought he detected delicate insinuations of a somewhat personal nature. This impression was confirmed on spelling the articles over,. by several diagrams and subheads of an unmistakably incendiary tone, and our townsmen proceeded to hold a council of war. At this identical minute, by a singular coincidence, a Colonel attached to the staff of the Paper in question happened to be in the rotunda of the same hotel, devoting himself with scientific zeal to some interesting experiments illustrating the gravity of fluids, By his rank it could at once be seen that the Colonel served his paper in the capacity of a reporter, for promotion to the editorial room in all well-regulated Southern journals makes one a General, while Mayors mix the paste and sort the exchanges ; plain Cap- tains swab off the floors after each morning’s round of duels, and feeble-minded Lieutenants empty the waste-basket and do chores. Another and equally singular coincidence was that, on the after- comicbooks.com