Life — February 15, 1883 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A QUESTION OF PRIVILEGE The Lady; THAT IS ALL VERY WELL, BUT WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE FOR HAVING SQUEEZED MY HAND? Aspiring Journalist; SURELY, MADAME, THE LIBERTY OF THE Press. noon preceding the painful publication of the article in question the Colonel had visited our townsman, and had subjected him to that ingenious process of torture popularly known as an inter- view, A third coincidence, perhaps even. more remarkable still, was that, no sooner had the Colonel concluded his experiment with the fluid satisfactorily, and was contemplating a flank move- ment on the olives, than the door flew open and our townsman entered. What followed is too well-known to need comment, ‘The extreme sensitiveness and delicacy of the Code of Honor unfortunately involved the subsequent condition of affairs in a snarl which the mutual friends of both parties seem hopelessly unable to unravel. If the Colonel really wrote the article in question, he undoubtedly did it in blind obedience to Bngadier- General, the City Editor, who himselt was perhaps merely carrying out secret instructions from Lieutenant-general, the Manager-in- Chief. Therefore, as the facts in the case of ans igs Porter have clearly shown, he was not personally responsible, and our townsman’s ferociously waved fist could not possibly give real offence to his nose, since that useful reportorial organ merely figured on the occasien as the visible and present representative of the invisible and distant chief from whom the order had eman- ated, On the other hand, if the Colonel did not write it, his nose was equally incapable of receiving insult from our towns- man s fist, since the owner of that dangerous weapon was evi- dently laboring under a sudden and violent attack of mistaken identity, In either case, therefore, he neither required nor under the Code could demand satisfaction While this technicality cut off the Colonel from seeking bloody revenge, it is very comforting to know that our towns- man covered himself with satisfaction and glory. To have bearded a real Southern colonel in his favorite den is in itself a bit of prowess which may be proudly boasted of by all the little spellers to come, while the neat evasion of the consequent challenge was a coup d’etat, which shows that statesmanship, no less than literature, has been profoundly delved into by our townsman, who is thus made doubly distinguished. Swords at ten paces, or smooth-bore pistols loaded with butter would inev- itably have followed had our townsman exhibited less presence of mind, and the records of other eminent Southern duelists who have exposed their adversaries to almost certain danger of taking cold on the field of honor, would in all probability have been ‘supplanted by another whose details would have been equally ghastly. It is also gratifying to note that the proprietors ot the Southera Hotel rose to a prompt recognition of the situa- tion, and took measures to prevent our fierce townsman from im- molating the Colonel, by stationing the bell-boy at each entrance day and night to warn him of that military gentleman's approach, and by courteously tendering him the use of the inner compart- ment of the office safe to sleep in until he could leave town. The courage of both parties to this sanguinary affair having thus been decided, there is now a profound and joyful peace both East and West; all animosities are buried and forgotten, and an- other great duel is at an end, .H.G.C, comicbooks.com