Life — February 15, 1883 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

* LIFE: A SERENADE. HE moon shines bright, fair lady mine, The chimney tops between, With soft caress, it lights each tress Smoothed down with bandoline. The palings of the picket fence 7 With dewdrop tears are wet. Look down in kindness while I grind The plaintive orguinette. Nay, shudder not, my own, al- though The bull-dog howls amain; Ere forth he hied, thy father tied The bull-dog with a chain. I love thy lip’s pink celluloid Thy gay smile’s bubbling glee, I love thy terra cotta hair— Together let us flee. Quick pack thy Saratoga trunk— We'll seek the Western plains. The night is late, two Herdics wait, I’ve wired for special trains, “ Tickets” shall be our nuptial hymn, Our bower the sleeping car; Nor thunderous snore from Section Four ‘Thy slumber sweet shall mar. And thou shalt be a book agent, A gentle drummer, I. : The surly cur I fail to stir Shall yield when thou art by. Thou'lt pull the guileless granger, and I'll tame the tradesman’s pride, Till every shore shall quail before The drummer and his bride. CurTIs GUILD, Jr. THE GILDED WOOING. FORGETFUL of my broken step and slow, Sweet Alice, lay your girlish hand in mine, ‘Through this small ring Alladdin’s wealth shall flow If you your maiden freedon will resign. * In savage days a woman gave her heart To him who best its guardian’s place could fill. That sense of safety riches now impart, And women love their best protectors still Waiting and getting I have spent my life ~ To home and love’s transporting joys unknown, Now I have found, I’ll keep, my queen, my wife, In splendor decked to live and love alone. Come, let us now neglected paths retrace, Regardless of the busy world’s concerns, Love, lay your velvet cheek against my face And smooth the wrinkles out till youth returns, THE GOOD BOY’S PRIMER. THE PI-OUS DEA-CON AND THE LIT-TLE BUG. ONCE up-on a Time there was pi-ous St. Lou-is Dea-con tra-vel-ling to Chi-ca-go in a whole Sec-tion of a Pull-man Car. He was ve-ry Lone-ly, and was Glad when an in-no-cent New-York Drum-mer came in from the Smo-ker, and pro-pos-ed do-ing some-thing to Pass a-way the Time. So the nig-ger Por- ter put up the lit-tle ta-ble, and the Drum-mer put up his an-te, and the Dea-con put up a Hand. By and by there was a jack Pot, and af-ter both had fool-ed most of their small Change into it, the pi-ous Dea-con dealt him-self four ten speck-ers, and o- pen-ed the Pot ve-ry cheap to let the Drum-mer in, for the Drum-mer had guess-ed he would Pass. It did not seem that the Drum-mer knew that the Dea-con was Load-ed with ten speck- ers, for af-ter He-si-ta-ting a Mo-ment, he said He would come In, and that if the Dea-con would give Him one more Tray, he would Carve the Stuf-fing out of Him. Now this, of course, se- cret-ly Pleas-ed the Dea-con, for he knew there was a Tray right on Top of the Deck, and as they were Not play-ing Straight flush-es, he would get the Drum-mer where the Hair was com- pa-ra-tive-ly Short. So the Drum-mer got his oth-er Tray, the pi-ous Dea-con drew One card to keep him Com-pa-ny, and then they be-ganto Wa-ger. The Dea-con said he’d Go a bloom-ing Dol-lar, and the-Drum-mer said that as he had Got his oth-er Tray, he would just El-e-vate him a-bout Fif-ty. Then the Dea-con smiled all O-ver, for he now knew he could knock out some Tar, and so he climbed o-ver the Drum-mer to the Tune of a-bout a Hun-dred. The Drum-mer Combed his Cards ve-ry care-fulely, and find-ing that his oth-er Tray had not got A-way, he bounced the Dea-con an-oth-er Hun-dred, and then the nig- ger Por-ter brought a buck-et and Sponge, for he knew there was go-ing to be Gore. The pas-sen-gers now be-gan to ga-ther a- round and make side wa-gers on the Dea-con, know-ing that the in-no-cent Drum-mer had no more Chance with his oth-er Tray than a Cat in Hades with-out Claws. The pi-ous Dea-con went Down in-to his Clothes for a Boo-dle which re-al-ly be-longed to the church Debt, but of Course, as he had a Sure Thing, it made no dif-fer-ence. Fi-nal-ly, e-ven the Nig-ger por-ter had Shoved up his last Nick-el on the Dea-con’s Hand, and the pas-sen-gers had piled up their o-ver-coats and lunch as Col-lat-e-ral, and the Dea-con had not only wa-gered all the church-debt mon-ey and his own and a good Deal of his Wife’s, which he for-tu-nate-ly had with him, but al-sohis Trunk and his rail-road pass to Mil- wau-kee. The in-no-cent Drum-mer called all these wa-gers with Mon-ey be-long-ing to the Firm, and then of course the Hands had to beShown. The Dea-con smiled and said he was Sor-ry the Drum-mer had got that oth-er Tray, be-cause he had had four ten Speck-ers all the Time, and guessed they were tol- e-ra-bly Large. Then the nig-ger Por-ter let off a Yell of Tri- umph, and the Pas-sen-gers danced a Jig all o-ver the Car. But fi-nal-ly the In-no-cent drum-mer spoke up and said that he knew there was go-ing to be Fun when that Tray slid in-to his Hand, for he had had Some-thing all the Time too, and it was what Wick-ed peo-ple who played Po-ker in New York called Four Jacks. And so he skinned the four smil-ing fat Ja-cobs out, with the im-pro-ving Tray, and scooped in the ra-ther Large Pot, while the pas-sen-gers swore like Bla-zes, and the pi-ous comicbooks.com