Judge, 1928-08-04 · page 20 of 36
Judge — August 4, 1928 — page 20: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct pieces of satirical content: **Left Column - Book Reviews:** The critic humorously reviews mystery and fantasy novels, including Agatha Christie's "The Mystery of the Blue Train" and S. Fowler Wright's "The Island of Captain Sparrow." The satire mocks the critic's overwrought reactions to these stories—claiming Christie's plot was so confusing he suspected even a department store Santa, and Wright's mixing of humans and eight-foot fauns on an island as utterly implausible. The affidavit-style disclaimer about Christie is comedic self-protection. **Right Column - "Made-to-Order Heavens":** A soda jerker fantasizes about his ideal heaven: working behind a marble counter, tossing ice cream balls forty feet in the air, wearing a crisp uniform, attended by admirers including Mary Pickford and Greta Garbo, sleeping ten hours nightly, and receiving only gold pieces as tips. **Bottom Cartoon:** Two figures discuss a wind-blown hairstyle, with suggestive innuendo about its origin. The humor targets 1920s popular culture, working-class aspirations, and romance.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
All aboard for of the Blue Train,” : Here is a mystery story, kiddies, thd mystery and it printed especially for the Crime Club either! The Blue Train plies (if a train plies) between Paris and the Riviera, and on its south- erm ‘trip a 1 (just for a change) is murdered and the fa- mous “Heart of Fire’ rubies are stolen, by Gosh! Well, you won't believe it, but Agatha got me so balled up and hot and bothered that I even suspected the Santa Claus in Macy’s Basement! And when I found out who the real murderer was, you could have knocked me over with a Prince man, Anyway, I had the tir my young life, and I heartily ree- ommend it to you. (Oh, you do!) Statement sworn to before a No- tary Public—Agatha Christie. is not related to me in any w: nd I don't owe her any money; in fact, I never heard of her before. story I've never gotten very excited over nymphs, satyrs, fauns, ete., and whenever I've run into any- thing Cabellish or Mythologish, I've muttered to myse faun, but not for me!" B S. Fowler Wright, the gent who wrote “Deluge,” has put “The Island of Captain Sparrow” on the map and he has more faun (I didn’t mean that) fun with fauns an you could shake t! And that isn’t + real peo- all, kiddies! T' ple on this merry litt and people half” way fauns and humans (h guess you'd call then that are eight feet » and such goings-on on that island! Well, it's not a safe place even for a débutante, I can tell you! If-wits, I ) and birds If the Columbia, Victor and Brunswick phonograph companies expect any more decent record ws out of this column, ve simply got to club to- gether and present me with an JU JUDGE cleetrie mach ine! In fact, [ve a good mind to sue them, for my figure from girlish ruined » has been utterly stooping over and winding the darn phonograph! I ean also add and inhuman to listen to se »s from needles tment in having How- t pme of them! ever, here are a few Columbias maybe Pain't “Tha ynesome —'Come Back, Chiquita.” “Just Like a % the Gem of t Joke! See? C it isn’t any 30, Hon t's My WV in the Moonlight” Melo —*Be- cause My Baby Don't Mean May be.” (These man’s.) And here (Another Wh “Oh, Bab Wiggle” (from Rain o “Do T He “You Took man). bob? Ovr last three are White- are some Victors: “My Pet"- ‘Afraid of You.” iteman and a peach.) v'—"Add a Little Shin rar You Saying Advantage” (Whit Jupoette Sinoveton—Hullo, Nellie. Where ja get th’ wind-blown Neti—Fresh! Made-to-Order Heavens The Soda Jerker's In my heaven folks never order plain phosphates and Coca Colas. No, siree. In my en I stand behind a mile long spotless marble counter and mix calisthenic bev- s for sweet mamas. Great twenty gallon pots of hot fudge and caramel sauce stand beside me I toss balls of i forty feet into the a them in a glass without losing even one. In my heaven [ wear a white overseas cap trimmed with blue. I make luscious nut-caramel-wal nut-wh Mary Pickford The other an, and my stenographic admirers tly miles to my fountain. Noirritable pharmacist bawls me out. ... [sleep ten hours a night. . [ work four hours a day four week . .. and gold are my lowest tips. This (black and white soda, madam?), yes, this is Heaven! —Autuer L, Liepsann 1 sundaes for nd Greta Garbo. rls call me “doc” That's my fiancé! comicbooks.com