Judge — August 4, 1928 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

j JUDGE GEORGE JEAN NATHAN nstatment No. 3 of the 1928 Ameri continuing the articles that, in sum, go to make up the biggest philosophical show on earth: That it is easy to tell a college un simply by look- ing at him, That if one steps on ants it will rain. at if a child who has the whooping-cough is brought down to the gas-works it will re cured. it it is best for a young man to marry early because then he will haye something to strive for. ut anyone could have ma d be crooked. ‘That only old maids become ted s money if he wanted ea chance ¢ ers. That when one that one’s applica cation will b as the yplies for a position and is told ion will be kept on file, the app thrown into the waste-basket as soon applicant leaves the office. That it is not advisable to cat steak in Paris, as it is more than likely derived from discarded horses. That wearing rubbers indoors is bad for the eye- sight. Phat bronze coffins keep out the worms. buttermilk cures freckles. all colored babies are bow-legged. at all musicians artistic temperaments, which makes it impossible to live with them. have That if a man isn’t jealous of his wife, he doesn’t love her. That the driver of a low-priced car will lend a hand much more readily tl sive car. That a Southern girl can tell if a negro is around hy smelling his presence. That women who sit home and sew and serub are never appreciated by their husbands. nthe one with an expen- That females suddenly develo when they lunch at the expense of avenous appetite nd with a male. That policemen, because they make the acquaint- of cooks on their beats, are fed better and more luxuriously than the employers of cooks. That all negroes re expert crap shooters. fter ea That drowsines: ing means liver trouble. That the cating of raw onions is a guarantee of health, That large cars are an infallible s| of generosity. That there must be life after death be have a portion of one's live, and that, one’s entire body anatomy amputs tlogy, one can therefore destroy rd life will still continue. That scientists can duplicate hen’s exes perfectly by artificial means, but cannot make them hateh into young Plymouth Rocks, and that because of this fact atheism and the theory of evolution are a lot of bunk. That constant use of stage make-up wears out actors’ complexions. That all pocts use rhyming dictionaries. That it is his knowledge fidence in the doctor much more than nd ability that pulls a patient through a serious illness, That whenever a rich uncle visits a family, his pie ture is dug out of the cellar and hung up on a con spicuous part of the wall so that the family will not be forgotten in his will. That anyone can have brains, but that the thing is to use them, That when a man who has just won a lot of money becomes cock-eyed, he lights his cigars with bills of various denominations, preferably 3100. That the radio doesn’t work just when company comes, hat the majority of automobile know anythi for the time mechanics don't about a car and that they c! msumed by their inexperience, Aree One That Chinamen always lure small girls into. the back rooms of their laundries by giving them lichee nuts, That, when telling his wife, a man always mini- mizes the amount he won or lost at cards, That there are always more mosquitoes at a sum- ner resort thin at home. That married people with children are always less likely to find themselves in the divorce courts than those without children. That people are always secretly glad when visitors | have gone. That the baby who doesn’t ery when stuck with a pin will grow up to be a good-hearted adult. That all oper: trained in Americ comicbooks.com