Judge, 1926-09-04 · page 16 of 36
Judge — September 4, 1926 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* contains three satirical pieces mocking social hypocrisy and annoying behavior: **"Confession"** (left): A humorous poem by H. Kay Lynn where a man confesses to numerous moral failures—infidelity, drinking, cheating, swearing—but takes pride in never wearing "white linen knickers" (underwear). The joke satirizes selective morality: people who commit serious wrongs but obsess over trivial propriety. **"Funnybones"** (center): A brief joke about caring enough to spend taxi fare on someone you don't actually care about—mocking superficial concern. **"Punctilious Behavior"** (right): Marion E. Burns describes an ideal moviegoer as someone who exhibits *none* of the annoying theater habits listed (loud reading, seat-hogging, kicking, whistling). The twist: this "ideal" person is the projectionist in the back room—making the satire work by noting you never actually *see* the worst offenders. All three pieces humorously expose the gap between claimed values and actual behavior, a recurring *Judge* theme.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Confession ['v written bad rhymes, P've at- tempted most crimes, I've committed the cardinal seven, I've beaten my wife, eaten peas with a knife And scoffed at the mandates of heaven, I've tinted the air with full many a swear, I've soaked up prohibited liquors— But let me be heard—one extenuant word— I've never knickers. worn white linen I've swindled my pards, I’ve cheated at cards, I've flirted from Canton to Cadiz, In my fullness of pride I’ve lusted and lied And won myself quarters in hades. I’ve worn cerise sox with cerulean cloc I've pa led in flapperesque slick- ers, But when God calls my name I'll re- ply without shame For I never knickers. wore white linen H. Kay Lynn JUDGE FUNNYBONES; “It's worth the taxi fare to feel you do} fend care what happens to the Lia 3 8 ‘Uudge pays $5 for each one printed The good pawnbroker received his reward. In 1956—Still trying to figure out why her clothes cost more than ever. Punctilious Behavior H Eis at the movies every night. And yet, he never, Chooses the wrong end of a row to get at the aisle seat on the oppo- site end. Reads titles aloud. Forcibly appropriates both arms of the seat. Argues audibly with the usher. Munches peanuts or peanut brittle. Drops something and fumbles nervously for long moments about your ankles. Kicks on the back of the seat in front. Whistles beneath his breath while the orchestra plays. Instills riotous thoughts of murder in your brain by sibilant “Oh-ing” and “‘Ah-ing.” Starts to leave the picture, just at the end of which he has seen through two runs, and pauses before you long enough to obscure your view of the fade-out. I consider him the ideal movie- goer. He is the operator in the projec- tion-room. Marion E. Burns comicbooks.com