Judge — September 26, 1925 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

a ASK DAD—HE KNOWS What They Laughed at in the Good Old Days T. S. Sullivant in Judge, 1900. ALL THAT WAS NEEDED Cassipy—Wudn’t yez loike t’ live on a farrm, Pat? Casry—Oh, ut’s th’ only way ?’ live! Just So Little Willie (who has an inquiring mind)—Pa, what is a sage? Mr. Hennypeck—A sage, my son, is a man who always agrees with his wife. —Judge, 1901 Too Much Is Enough Lawyer—I’m sorry, old man, I couldn’t do more for you. Convicted Client—Don’t mention it, guv’nor; ain’t five years enough? —Judge, 1910 Rall “Doctor Jackson and Doctor Jones are going to operate on old man Smith.” “Necessary?” ‘ “Well, Doctor Jackson’s wife wants a new fur coat and Doctor Jones wants to buy an auto, so I guess it is.”” —Judge, 1909 In the Balance Fay—Do you intend to accept him? May—That depends upon circum- stances. “What circumstances?” “His.” —dJudge, 1914 T.§. SULLIVANT in JUDGE, 1912 FOOLISH QUESTION UNPREPOSSESSING STRANGER— (holding pipe in one hand)—I say, friend, could you give me a match? Tue CareruL One—A_ match? What would you do with a match? UNPREPOSSESSING STRANGER (sarcastically) —Why, commit arson, of course. i Ef they only hod ilivated roads, cable carrs, plinty av saloons, concert halls, tinimint houses, dirt, noise and polacemin on a farrm Oi’d move onto a farrm to-morrow. Recommended Superintendent—What we want is a night watchman that’ll watch, alert and ready, for the slightest noise or indication of burglars— somebody who can sleep with one eye and both ears open, and is not afraid to tackle anything. See? Applicant—I see, sir. I'll send my wife around. —Judge, 1914 Safety First “Your friend asked you to have a cigar, but I notice he didn’t offer me one.” “Ah, you see he knows I don’t smoke.” —dJudge, 1905 A Lawyer’s Letter “You have beautiful eyes,” wrote the young lawyer, “and exquisite long lashes, and I love the way the aforesaid eyes peep out from under the aforesaid lashes.” —Judge, 1914 PAH Nit—How can I drive a nail with- out hitting my fingers? Wit—Hold the hammer in both \ hands! —Judge, 1910 —— — comicbooks.com