Judge, 1924-07-12 · page 14 of 36
Judge — July 12, 1924 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct pieces of 1920s satirical content: **"Historical Close-up"** modernizes the medieval romance of Abelard and Heloise as a contemporary flapper-era couple. The satire mocks 1920s dating culture: "Abelard" (called "Pete") is an emotionally evasive young man who deflects his girlfriend's pleas for verbal affirmation of love with practical arguments ("Ain't I risked everything for you?"). Heloise's complaint that he won't simply say "I love you" satirizes male emotional unavailability. The dialogue parodies flapper speech and the era's casual attitude toward propriety—she jokes about telling her father he's teaching her "conjugation." **"One Year to Go"** is a humorous advice column responding to "If you knew you had one year to live, what would you do?" The answers satirize contemporary fads and products: health farms, reducing girdles, patent medicines, automobiles, and dubious commercial panaceas. The final suggestion—"Die at the end of the year"—is darkly comic understatement. Both pieces lampoon 1920s consumer culture and social pretensions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“Bobbed heir, eh?” Historical Close-up Abelard—Say kid, we gotta be more careful. They're askin’ me, up to the monastery, where I beat it to every night soon’s supper’s over. Heloise—You said it! My old man’s been at me too about you b so darn reglar. Abelard—Whateha tell him? Heloise—1 told him you was teachin’ me conjugation—tee-hee! Abelard—You sure are a hot sketch for a flapper. Heloise—But you do love me, don’t you Pete Abelard—Huh-huh! Heloise—Aw, but tell me you do! Spill me the words and music, won't you? Abelard—Huh—huh! Heloise—Then say you do! Abelard—Aw, you women are all alike. Ain't I shown you I’m strong for you? in here “Betty’s rich uncle cut her off with practically nothing.” Ain't T risked everythin’ for you? Ain’t I teachin’ you Latin? What more can a woman want? Hey, there! Don’t turn on the salt water, Kid, Heloise—I (sob)—just—want (sob) you—to—(sob) say—you—(sob) love— me. Abelard—Sure 1 do. Heloise—Say it’ more conyincin’ like. Abelard—I love you. I love you. I lore you! There! Heloise—Oh! That's better. Now you sound) more like a loudspeaker. Now you can kiss me, Pete. 2 We've all heard about the absent- minded professor who seratched his pan- cake and poured the syrup down his back, but the latest is about the one who put his wife out at 11 pat. and then went upstairs and lay down in bed beside the cat. One Year to Go NEWSPAPER has revive covered question, “If you knew you to live, what would you Well, 'd— Go to California at the spe and request. of snteen Chambers of Commerce and live forever. Go to Dr. Hokum’s health farm and become world’s heavyweight champion two years later. Wear one of Madam Hadem’s redue- j ing girdles and return to my girlish form to start life anew. Take one bottle of Dope’s emulsion of clams’ » moss- instance livers and sauerkraut and join Barmum’s cireus under a_ fifteen-year strong man’s contract. Travel to the Sunshine City of Florida and pitch quoits until all the doctors died of starvation. Take my wife's advice to “bundle up ‘Il, dear,” and fool the undertakers for we years to come. Eat Professor Growl’s health biscuit and make Methuselah’s record look like a stopped clock. Buy a one-passenger seven-man-top Jokomobile and drive it for ten years down the open road in the bracing morn- ing air without one trip to the repair shop. Purchase one of Moe, Joe and Coe’s nifty one-flight-up-to-the-minute — suits with two pair of | dd take fourteen y s off my appei Drink two bottles of Bedd Springs mincral water and win the next war single-handed, Die at the end of the year. “Between you and me and the lamp- post.” comicbooks.com