Judge — January 26, 1924 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

oO" VERY modern wives, I am told by my morning paper, are going to demand salaries just like everybody else. ‘The idea had never occurred to me, I con- fess, but I indorse it heartily. With the war almost forgotten and flappers’ skirts sweeping the streets and our cellars as uninteresting as cemeteries, many of us are finding life rather un- eventful, rather dull. This new wages-for- wives idea will undoubtedly splash a little color over the dead-gray monotony of 100 per cent. existenc It will jazz up the classified columns in our newspapers. Under the heading “Help Wanted: Female,” we will come across such advertisements as the follow- ing: “Wanted—Wife, young, industrious, ornamental; id photograph; state salary e: id previous experience in first let Girls out of a matrimonial job will advertise for vacancies in homes containing “all modern conveniences, including, probably, a maid and a motor The lounge-lizard type of gallant, with Warning to motorists—Avoid ruts. WAGES FOR WIVES an unlined pocket book and an honest for work, will, of course, be expected to pay his wife a x likely he will advertise willingness “to take, at a moderate tuition, an inexperienced young wife on apprenticeship.” When a young man proposes, the lady will no longer have to give the tritel classic reply, “See papa,” or “This so sudden!” She will say simply and more to the poin How much do you pa It will take more than moon magic and lip-stick sorcery to precipitate a marital mishap. The wholly unneces- sary sentimental effervescence which at present inaugurates most engagements will be done away with; matters will be dis- cussed on a strictly business basis. The luckless bridegroom will have to guarantee something more material than love in his marriage vow. “I employ this woman for my lawful wife,” he w probably be called upon to say, “at a salary of twenty-two dollars and fifty cents a week.” And the bride will 10 then promise to love, honor and obey for and in consideration of a weekly pay check. The girl who marries “well” will find a luscious satisfaction in the newspaper announcement of her matrimonial achieve- ment. “The engagement is announced it will read, “between Burt Brewster Coiney-Gotrox, of Long Island, and Constance, only daughter of Mr. and Mrs. John Slimpurse, of Nine street. The bride's stipend will be $30,000 a year.” It will afford many a plain matron a delighting sense of superi- ity to learn that the little thing across the way with ankles and lips and lashes is only a twenty-dollar-a-week wife. Of course, the plan presents the prob- lem of determining just what remunera tion a wife is really worth. Is the perfect housewife entitled to more than the butterfly type of wife whose flutter in society advertises her husband's prosperity and importance? Is she worth more when young and stimulating to the optic nerves or when old and experienced? Wives naturally as wage earners will form unions. It would be unreasonable to ask all husbands to pay the same salaries, so there will have to be separate unions, classified according to the . of the husbands’ incomes. There will be, for example, one union for the wives of plumbers and profiteers, another for the wives of journalists and janitors. All the thousands of bachelor girls who. have been left on the shelf will be espe- cially anxious, I imagine, to see the scheme adopted. Some day the National Federa- tion of Wives will undoubtedly go out on strike, in sympathy, perhaps, with the chorus girls or telephone operators. Then, of course, strike-breakers will have to be c Each striking wife, I suppos ailed to picket her own husband's home. But my modest imagination refuses to carry me farther. —Myron Jean Parrot. Sn “Say, mom! git t’ be President, I’m sure gonna give you all th’ credit.” comicbooks.com When I grow up, an’ | lau mi fur cor fin: of | oy Er of sin| alo she toe ver wor nee any har sho sho