Judge — October 27, 1923 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STORIES TO TELL JUDGE pays 810 weekly for the beat story sub: or the accond best, Original, unpub wanted. Ad- AN Arrican of peculiarly dusky hue £% was hailed to court one morning for st chickens. The Judge said to the clerk wear the prisoner. “Sam, do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?” “Tc Joes, sah.” sam, what have you to say for your- Jedge, with all dem limitations you has just put on me, I docsn’t believe T has anything at all, sah.” tot T was bedtime for four-year-old Jack, but the little fellow wanted to stay up later. His aunt, who tipped the scales at nearly two hundred pounds, said: “Why, Jack, think of me—I am ever so much older than you, and I go bed with the chickens!” looked at her great size, and remarked succinctly, “Well, I don’t see how you ever get up on the roost!” te TT TEACHER Was trying to impress on the children how important had been the discovery of the law of gr: tion, “Sir Isaac Newton was sitting on the ground, looking at the tree. An apple fell on his head and from that he dis- covered gravitation. Just think, chil- dren,” she added, “isn’t that wonderful? The inevitable small boy replied: “Yes'm, an’ if he had been settin’ in school, lookin’ at his books, he wouldn't never have discovered nothin’.” Rd HE silly young tourist in Alaska was being shown through a fox farm. ing raptly upon some beautiful asked her guide, “Just how many times can the fox be skinned for his fur? The guide, who w old-timer in Alaska, replied grav iree times, Any more than that would spoil them for breeding purposes! ree Kam: aged four, was enjoying her first big trip with her parent After traveling by automobile, _ tra and boat, they arrived on a Sund: Mackinaw Island. Her parents de to go to the little, white Mission Church to rest and meditate. Kathryn was restless and fidgety. The — minister mounted the steps of the pulpit, then stood lost in thought for a moment, as he looked over the waiting congregation. A’ small, impatient voice broke the deathlike silence with this question: “Mother, what’s the matter with the engine? Why don’t we start?” First Prize SEVERAL little boys and girls were dis- cussing their ancestors, and one of the girls had just stated that she was pure Scotch, as both of her grandparents had come direct to America from Scotland. When she had finished, a snub nose little fellow began to tell of his family tree. “I’m American, French, Swedish and Lutheran,” he stated. There was silence for a moment when one of his bri young companions spoke up. “I, golly! No wonder you're so freckled!” K Wii eawaitingher turn at the Palace, ing paper. Tessie’s exe fell on an item Tessie, of Eddie and Tessie, novelty in which, under a glaring headline, told song and dance artists, picked up an even- of a court decision awarding damages of $20,000 to a chorus girl for a single kiss. " Borrowing a pencil, she began figuring { | furiously. | “What now?” her father remarked. When he finished the newspaper story “And how much does it come ly $64,745," answered Tessie. t $20,000 a kiss T see.” “That isn’t what I'd make, you poor dear. What do you think lam? That’s what my income tax would be.” Rd urtNG the hearing of a traffic case in Ohio town the judge put this question to the chauffeur brought before him for having run down a man: “You knew that if you struck this pedestrian he would probably be seri- THE GOOD OLD COLLEGE ously injured, did you not?” SPIRIT 1S BRIMMING OVER “Yes, your honor,” said the chauffeur. “In that case why didn’t you zigzag your car and miss him?” “Your honor,” explained the driver, “he was zigzagging himself and out- guessed me, that’s all.” tas Ti head barber in a New Orleans hotel is a philosophic old chap well known to many people, both of the eity and from the North. There is much that is edify- ing in the old fellow’s conversation. ‘On one occasion, being in a particularly talkative mood while he had in his care a Representative in Congress home on vacation, he made this observation: 5 a large head, suh. good d, hheall’ meats a: aie bitin aa brain is de most useful thing a man kin it nourishes de roots of de hair.” Rha T™: the gardener, had recently married and one morning while working in his mistress’ rose garden, she stopped to « with him for a moment. im,” asked Mrs. Sweet, “can your wife cook as well your mother? “Indeed, mam, an’ she cannot,” re- plied Tim, “but I never mention it, for For his dear old alma mailer. she can throw considerable betther.” 19 comicbooks.com