Judge — October 27, 1923 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“William, I should think you'd get tired of hearing me ask for a fur coat day after day!” But as my time is worth only two dollars an hour, it’s cheaper for me to listen than to “So I do, my dear. buy you one.” Snappy Letters by Chet Johnson ow MANY business men have given the proper time to the study of peppy letters? Very few. Yet this great subject is worthy of the most care- ful consideration. A 2. peppy. letter will do N everything from col- lecting a bill to starting a fist fight or a libel suit. Pep, boys, is the big thing to put into busi- ness letters. Good English ain’t nothing what ought to be over- looked neither, it ain’t. Each sentence must be written in only them phrases as is perfect. For example, a man trying to collect a bill \| se by mail should write: “Dear ap out of it, kid, show some speed. Hot dog, “That well brother, you must balanced think I'm Santa C meal.” Razz ’er up, j razz er up and kick in with the dinero, the kale, the simoleons that you've owed me for the last year. Get me, k Most respectfully, etc.” The recipient of such a letter, if he is a red-blooded he-man, will at once sprain both ankles rushing in to pay his bill. A store wishing to number among its customers a_ refined, cultured society jean, should send her a letter along these ines: “Dear Madam: We have given you the gay once-over several times as you have cruised by our store without dock- ing here. Madam, we must say that you are the one and only doll when it comes to glad rags. y not step in to our joint some day and let us show you the real worm’s ribs in raiment? You certainly dress like you knew your groceries now, madam, but. we feel sure that if you would sneak into our place and look over the latest styles we are displaying we could knock u for a row of amese lipsticks. We'll be expecting you soon, kiddo. ‘Your humble servants, ete.” What woman of culture could resist complying with the wishes expressed in such a charming letter? Upon receiving a summons to report for examination for jury duty, one should write a peppy letter to the judge, advising him the summons has been served, but, if di but peppily declining the in- vitation. Here is a good model; it has never failed to bring a prompt reply from every judge to whom it has been sent: “Dear Judge: Since when did you learn I had nothing to do but chase down to your court and serve on juri Listen, son, when I want to be a juror I'll: write and tell you so; until then, bo, use your bean when you come to my name red, courteously ©, and skip on to the next one. This matter has come up before, but don’t let it happen again. I’m a busy man, a man of action, not words. If I'm summoned again for jury duty I'm going to speed down to your court hitting on all eight inders, walk in and tell you how to run your court. Get me, Steve: don’t do it again or I'll change your so your own bulldog will chew off a leg when you go home that night. “Very sincerely, ete.” Any judge will be quick to admire yous pep and business methods and will no doubt give you official recognition by issuing a bench warrant. tas Necessary ingredients for a successful Hallowe'en party: One dozen pumpkins: Two dozen Japanese lanterns. ‘Three gallons of gin. Four pretty girls. Five mag- azines for your wife to read, INN ; SAS ‘ “WasHel- \ en’s Hallow- a een party ( 4) a success? 0 Gxt The wild-goose chase. “Not exactly. The moonlight, the decorations, and the surroundings had such a sentimental effect on Jack that he proposed to another girl.” “Daddy, why do you laugh so loud?” “These are the roaring 40’s, my child!” 18 for to th bu gre fell oN dre sch nev T Aft silv ma his 7 in . ma spo K Aft and Ma to § to test mot eng comicbooks.com