Judge — July 28, 1923 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Ephraim, youse de laziest man!” oo Law, chile, c’aint you recognize dignified ease?”. “Lazy! Bigger and Better Knees by Chet Shafer AYexs the numerous inventions that are listed as full-blown blessings to mankind none stand out quite as promi- nently as the ears, These are the two main reasons for success, although most men refuse to admit it and attribute their rise to hard work and courage. It is a well-recognized fact, however, that the wisest hookoo of them all would have a tough time scaling the heights of fame if he didn’t have some knees to depend upon at critical moments. These little contraptions are ideally located. If they had been placed at any other point in the human fuselage they would be well-nigh worthless. But as they are they are big factors in the life of every individual. To appreciate the knees and their im- portance one has but to realize how necessary they are in the construction of a lap. And then, when one con- siders what laps mean in this vale of near-beers one cannot hesitate to avow that they are the most unique, and at the same time the most practical devices known to engineering science. ‘The gifted designer of knees turned out a product that has stood the jests and tests of time. Knees are mechanically perfect in all respects and the cost of is negligible. In these days of reform it is hourly anticipated that some one will forge to the fore with a covey of suggestions for changing and improving them. ‘The urge for moraland physical betterment is strong and some enthusiast may yet involve them i ampaign. But if there is anyone in vast assemblage at this time who thinks the knees need remodeling let him forget his notion and go about singing the praises of the genius who was foresighted enough to lay out the plans for them without equipping them with grease cups that would require filling once ad The genuine importance of the knees is apparent if one only pauses to reflect on a civilization without them. If there were no knees an admission price would be charged to watch a fireman go up a ladder to save a tenant so he could con- tinue paying rent. Next to that amuse- ment the funniest bill would be young Mr. Brookins of Iowa in a 220-) hurdle race. The present high ave of 1 in 1,000,000 subway riders which gets up and es its seat to a lady would be erially reduced, and the parental tice of giving a child a ride on a cock horse to Banbury Cross would be counted as a forgotten method of transportation. ivery activity would be more or less stilted and the walks of life would be most unusual, But the absence of knees would not be entirely without virtue. For it isa gallop- ing cinch if they were not a part of the regular F.O.B. equipment there would be almost no vaudeville teams featuring the Russian folk dance. Read A little later, when the campaign warms up, and Henry Ford starts blowing his horns—Oh, Boy! Husband (as wife shifts gears)—That reminds me. I must stop at the boiler factory on the way home. 24 comicbooks.com