Judge — May 19, 1923 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OVERFLOW OF THE COLLEGE WITS CONTEST J i ti Drawn by Tom Burrovens, Grinnell. Hunch by Basu. Tatsort, Grinnell. Visitor—So this is a picture of you ... taken when you were a little boy? Host—No, the day I was discharged from the old soldiers’ home. toe Little Tragedies of Campus Life by Agnes McLasher, *23; Elisabeth John- ston, ‘23, Indiana U. THE MALE FLAPPER QNSE upon a Time there was a Male Flapper who had a better Line than the Bell. Telephone company. He made Rudolph Vaselino look like a Rhinie dressed for Military Drill, and half the Coeds on the Campus prayed to Coué every Night to get a Date with him. . After weeks of Concentration, one Lucky Coed managed to hang the Keep Off sign on him, and displayed him in the Book Nook every after- noon to show her Skill. She dated him solid for three months, and let him drive the Family Car and ad- vise her about the Color of her Hats. She took him to all her Sorority Dances, and openly referred to as her Sheik. Privately, she con: ered it all over but the Rice Throw- ng. : But when the Time came for his Fraternity Formal, he sent for his Home Town Girl. . Mora: A Ring on the Finger is worth Two on the Phone. THE AssorBeNT Lap ONE upon a Time there was a Lad at Indiana who absorbed Knowledge like a Thirsty Sponge. He knew more Geometry than the Guy who wrote the Book and he calied all the Physics department by their First Name He and the Dictionary were regu- lar Little Playmates, and dashing off a Pindaric Ode meant no more effort to him than Dashing off to the Book Nook means to You and Me. He could make the English Language jump through a Hoop, roll Around and stand on its Head. In fact, he was the Prize Rushee of the Phi Beta Kappa lodge from his Freshman Year. Even the Profs. spoke of him as a Three-second nockout, Personally, we always considered him quite the Toasted Cheese, until one day we saw him in the Cafeteria, eating Soup.... MoraL: It doesn't take a Musician to play the Greenhorn. THE Boy From NASHVILLE Ore upon a Time there was a Lad who came to Indiana University from the Vicinity of Nashville. He carried his Overalls in the traditional Straw Suitcase and he wore his Hair like the House of David. When he sneaked out on the Campus for the first Time, a Sociology Prof. saw him and Passed Away in Despair over the Appalling Condition of the Human Race. For the first Six Weeks he felt as out of Place among the Flappers and the Fellas as a Phi Gam at a Pan-Hel smoker. But as soon as he began to Gather what it was all About, and discovered the First Principles of Why is_a Book Nook, the End came Quickl He learned to Wear his Hair like the University Gleemen, and to Drag a mean Sock. He would walk a Mile for a Camel. The Coeds spoke of him Affectionately as a Hot Rock, and the Fellas referred to him as a Five-minute Egg. Of course he was chosen Prom Chair- man, and lived Happily Ever After. Mora: All it takes is a lot of Sand to put up a Good Bluff. Tue Footsatt PLAYER ONCE upon a Time there was a Foot- ball Player who had a Reputation on the Campus for knowing his Oil well. He gained more Yards than a Dry Goods Buyer, and the Scores he ran up read like the German debt. The only Way to Keep him off the Goal Line was to Tie him to the Center of the Field. His Friends spoke of him as the Lad with the Educated Pedal Extremity. He had his Picture run full length on the Sport Page of the W.G. C.D. three Times a Week, and all the Coeds pasted it on their Dresser Mirrors. When the Season was Over, he was made Captain of the All-American, and they Sold Pieces of his Uniform for Souvenirs. Two months Later he strolled into the Book Nook six times a Day and not a single North-Side booth Habitué got a Thrill. Drawn by J. L. Stavix, Columbia VAUDEVILLAINISH “What’s worrying you, old man?” “I was just wondering how many legs you gotta pull off a centipede to make him limp.” 22 He couldn't even get a Date for his own Fraternity Function, because all the Coeds he knew were Dated up with Basketball Stars. Morat: Every Dog has his Day, but it seldom Lasts over the Week-End. O who had toiled e: Notebook. She h Wrists carrying La Library. She had Ruined her Eyes poring over Footnotes and Appendices, and her Disposition copying them in her Notebook She had missed all her Meals, and h been Fined six times by the Chaperon o the Dormitory for breaking Light Rule THE Foo.isH CoED Drawn by Grorce THompson, Stanford Hunch by Cart Suovr, Stanford "24. She—And then you yelled out that we were engaged! He—Well, we were at least busy. Worst of all, she had even turned down a Bid to the Sigma Alpha Sonofagun formal to put on the Fin- ishing Touches, But at Last it was Completed, and a Nobler Work of Art never made glad the Heart of mortal Prof. It was the Essence of Perfection, the very Czar of Notebooks. Wrapping it Tenderly in a Manila Cover, she bore it off to Class and laid it in Triumph before her Prof. He looked at the Treasure blankly for a second. Then: “Why, : cided not to take up the Notebo: I'll count Everything on the Final Exam.” MoraL: Never trust a Prof. til! you see him with a Lily on his Chest. Rey Forgethernot by Joe Earnest, U. of Texas 23 AVE you ever visited Your girl on the First night after you took Her a two-pound box of Chocolates and She told you that Flo-Flo Just adored the Creamy ones and ate them right Out of her hand? Boy, then It’s time to swear That hereafter you'll Say it with flowers,