Judge — February 17, 1923 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The saip to one-eyed Alexander, who mowed my lawn and mended walks, “T think you are an awful gander to fake oil’ and mining stocks. You Such and then you ing some I buy work so hard to earn a shilling! heavy labor is a shame; hope to make a killing by f bold faker’s game. Oh, come to me and T'll advise you, don’t make your hard- earned money fly; yea, come to me and I will wise you to safe investments you might try. I'll show you where ‘the spoiler lodges, the shark who breaks in- vestors’ hearts; I'm on to all the tricks and dodges of those who throng the money buying ‘all the stock I ean,” Alexander. rou heard any’ oflefy and you reteive with disdain; I do not make a second proffer of precious counsel, safe and sane.” HREE fortnights later I was worried, I asked my friends for sundry loans; around the » streets I hurried, to borrow seven hundred bones. But every one, it seemed, was busted, each had his private ax to grind; and T was sad and sore disgusted, when some one called me His poker face. W ise Walt Coun Mason from behind. I turned around—it raised my dander to see who ‘twas who called me thus; it was the one-eyed Alexander, the poor, unlucky, thriftless cuss. He said, “I just was standing near you, when you were telling of your grief; ods fish, I couldn’t help but hear you, and so I’ve come to your relief, My poor career that was so ‘checkered wound up in glory tother day; our oil well’ record, coin to thre So T'll relieve your strained condition; I have the coin, so hold your hat—and I won't hand you admonition, or any tire- some stuff like that.” A humbled man I now meander around the mart and village green, the while the »d Alexander goes honking in his limousine. I sarp to Gregg, the wall-eyed grocer, “Don’t patronize the native sharks; you'll see your fortune drawing closer if you will buy up German marks. ‘Though frightful sinner, and made world jump the t in in- dustry she winner, and pretty soon she will come Her money now is in the shadow, her hide is hanging on the fence, but he will strike an El Dorado who has her marks a few years hence.” 8 selor The wall-eyed grocer took his savings and bought up all the marks in sight, and now I hear his frantic ravings, they my soul by day and night. He hunts for me in dell and valley, he’s all worked up, nd often, as I pace t at bounces off my head. He’s bought a shotgun large and gaudy, he says he thinks of hunting whales; but some day you will find my body all full of shot and shingle-nails. Why counsel friends? I think it wiser to cheer them as they jog along; there's s soup for the adviser, he always gets himself in wrong. Ree Flubb—Heard you took a flyer in the Street, old chap. How did it turn out? Dubb—Are you looking for informa- tion, or amu: nt? Rnd “Your wife has a strong mind and a firm chin, Mr. Henpeck.” “Yes,” replied Mr. Henpeck, they do superb teamwork.” Ranad Knick—Did he ask Miss Stout to sit on his lap? Knack—Yes, and I thought he was taking a good deal upon himself. “and