Judge — January 20, 1923 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

There’s one satisfaction about winter golf. The player can always make the water hazard—that is, if the ice is thick enough. Dartmouth Club, Dartmouth, N. Eagles and Birdies by Walter Trumbull I ziness frequently clothes a man’s body with rags id his soul with contentment. At the present price heaping coals of fire on anybody's head is expensive busines + * * Villages have the only real telephone service There you merely ring once and promptly get everybody on the party line. . + * When the only telephone used to be in the general store, the most important person in the world was the boy who on his bicycle car- ried the relayed telegram to the important summer boarder. + ‘ + The days of Columbus were not so bad. If you a charge account abroad they couldn't do much better than send you bills rterly. qua And you always could write: “I want you to know that I would have answered your letter se delayed a year in t y with that any more. er, but unfortunately it mission.” You can’t ge’ We've tried it. If she had any love for him It’s certain that she hid it; She asked him once to guess her age And he, the darn fool, dic A popular tune with most political organi- zations is, “See the conquering hero comes— across.” Scooty Blear by CW. Myers n will gan a’ life through satis- fied wi’ bogey. i * « * A zutite is a wad-be gawfer wha 7 ba’ that has anither player's name oon’t. * *# * Talent stops at be genius is oon clase terms wi’ par. * * « In winter gawf ane may tee oop in th’ fair- wa’s. I aften hae seen gawfers play oonder winter rooles in th’ simmer time. Th’ President may hae his troobles but I doot whether he wad swap jobs wi’ th’ chair- man o’ the’ handicap committee at that. * 2 e When th’ present crop o” caddies gets grown oop, there shad be soomething like a million Gene S ens, Englan’ micht hae been th’ mither o° gawf but I wad say th’ guid lady is in her dotage noo. Speakin’ aboot poolitical daid anes it micht be verra apropos if Hearst shad pronounce his name wi’ th’ T silent o' us are duff a mental vaca Th’ is that we too aften on why sae m tak" when tryin’ tae hit th’ ba’. + * * Wi'oot being’ personal, I dinna agree wi’ th’ mon wha said that gawf uselessly preserves th’ lives o° sae mony superfluous citizens. 8 ¢ wha in th’ coorse o’ a lang career oon th’ links mak’s a cuckoo shadna get sae chesty. It’s been my observation that anly th’ mediocre players belong tae th’ He One Cloobs. I'm a member mesil.” tae It’s a Good Alibi by G. H. Fisher Ww" the wind is wailing wildly Round the corners of your room And the hearth-fire then smoulders, Wrapping all the place in gloom, When, without, the rain’s fierce rapping Beats upon your windowpane And your thoughts are sunk in misery ht and main, on why you did it you never meant at all To use that mashie-niblick On that poor defenseless ball. Why, the lie was simply perfect For a brassey, shining bright, You'd have laid up near the cup there If you'd only seen the light, "Stead of lying in the rough so ‘That it took an extra shot— And old man n just beat you, Oh, your game's all gone to pot! Neve om the morrow, When the rain has ceased to pour, You can grasp your dear cld brassey, our stance, and, then, once more You will watch the white ball streaking Till at last it comes to rest Forty yards from off the fairy For a slice you did your best! Next time use your mashie-niblick For it’s all the break of luck, You are on your game or off it And old Nature you can’t buck. comichooks.gom