Judge, 1923-01-13 · page 11 of 36
Judge — January 13, 1923 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Stories to Tell" - Judge Magazine Humor Page This is a humor submission page from Judge magazine featuring several short comic stories, plus one illustrated cartoon below. The stories use classic early-20th-century comedic tropes: military mishaps (a Navy corpsman misunderstanding orders), children's malapropisms ("Good Samerican" instead of "Samaritan"), slapstick theater mishaps, and racial humor (a Black soldier's misunderstanding of "forward" as retreat). One story mocks Scottish thriftiness through a landlady character. The cartoon below depicts a construction or building site where a boss hires a ragged applicant who's literally standing in an open trunk—visual slapstick humor about poverty and desperation during what appears to be an economic downturn (likely Depression-era). The page reflects period attitudes toward class, ethnicity, and racial caricature now considered offensive, while the humor style emphasizes wordplay and physical comedy typical of early Judge magazine.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Stories to Tell JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second best. Firat Prize HE doctor was examining a hos- pital corpsman for advancement in rating. ‘What would you do if the captain fainted on the bridge?” “Bring him to,” warbled the aspiring corpsman. “Then what?” said the doctor. “Bring him two more,” returned the _gob.—Locan E. Rvacves, USS. Mississippi. Second Prize HE four-year-old of a doctor’s family had made his first trip to Sunday school, and on his return his mother asked him what story the teacher had told him. “It was about the Good Samerican,” answered son. ‘“This Samerican found a man left by robbers on the road. He had wounds all over. The Samerican poured oil in them. Iodine would have been better. wae rat actor had to jump from a twelve-foot cliff to a piece of ground that was hidden behind the scenes, so he paid a brawny super to be there to catch him as he landed. The time came for the fat actor to leap and looking and seeing the super was on the spot he sprang carelessly into the void, as if the twelve feet was no more to him than twelve inches; down he sailed swiftly through the and crash! he struck the hard floor with terrible impact, for the super, stepping back, had failed hi “Why didn’t you catch me moaned. “I wanted to,” the super, “but didn’t bounce.” tae Anes conductor was going out on tour with a revue. He had been staying in New York attending parsals. With him d two rather large grips. He was not desirous of dragging them about all over the country, and_re- marked to his landlady that he thought of leaving them in the left luggage office at the Pennsylvania Station. His landlady hap- pened to hail from Scotland. “And what will that cost you, sir?” she asked. “Oh, about fifty cents a week.” The landlady held up her hands in horror. “You would be a fool said you All others at regular rates. NEGRO company had just returned from a long forced march, and the captain had been anxious to make a record, “To-morrow we will go on another hike and try for this record again, but I don’t want anyone to go that doesn’t want to. All those who do not want to go will step two steps forward.” All moved but one man, whom the captain addressed, with a stern glance at the laggards: “Private Jones, I’m proud of you. You are the only man in the whole com- pany who really wants to go.” Jones, highly gratified, said: “Why, you see, sah, I hates to take dem two steps.” Pha O.D.—Have you seen any stray animals around he: Sentry—Yes, sir. Two mules. “What outfit are they from?” “IT dunno, sir. They had no collar ornaments.” trou Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. GREEN brakeman on_ the Colorado 4% Mudline was making his first trip to Ute Pass. They were going up a very steep grade, and with unusual difficulty the engineer succeeded in reaching the top. At the Cascade station, looking out of his cab, the engineer saw the new brakeman and said with a sigh of relief: “T tell you what, my lad, we had a job up there, didn’t we?” aid the brakeman, “and if I hadn’t put on the brakes, we'd have slipped back.” tae A™* was wanted by the police. They secured six different photo- hs of him and the pictures were cir- culated through the locality. The chief in a small town wrote to headquarters a few days later saying: “I duly received the pictures of the six miscreants whose capture is desired. I have arrested five of them; the sixth is under observation and will be taken The Boss—All right, you’re hired. Now start right in, as soon as you can get on your work-clothes. Applicant—Cap’n, I’se standin’ right in the middle of mah trunk right now. comichooks, to pay that a week,” she said. “Why don’t you pawn them and pay a dime a month?” com