Judge — December 30, 1922 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Stories to Tell JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second best. First Prize URING the late war a brigadier general received orders stating that his brigade would jump off at zero hour and that such and such would be its objective. Accordingly at the given hour the brigade ad- vanced and was immediately cut off from the brigade post of command. For hours the general paced up and down waiting for word from his troops. But no messages came through and he could. see nothing because of the dense smoke clouds the enemy was floating across the line. At last, the staff having exhausted itself with efforts to calm their chief, there suddenly appeared out of the cloud of smoke a carrier pigeon. It circled a few times and then alighted. _The general cried: ank God! Lieutenant aide to the general, rushed over to the pigeon, unfastened the message and brought it to the gener: it with tremt fingers. s what he read: m tired of carrying this blinking bird around.” FProearty was a hard worker, but he simply had no natural ability to play football. All during his high-school career, he had been a bench warmer, a substitute, and never had he played in an important game. When he went to college he was re- warded for his plugging with a substitute position on the varsity. But during the three is college football career his chance never seemed to come. At last the final game, the most im- portant of the s om, came and for three quarters Fogarty watched his team, un- able to overcome their opponents three point lead, from the bench. But after a grinding line plunge the fullback lay stretched upon the ground, and the cap- tain, turning, shouted: garty.” Ah, Fogarty knew what they wanted. His time had come. Running swiftly across the field he inquired: “Whadda ya want, Cap?” Say, Fogarty, old man,” replied the ptain, “take off yer pants and give ’em to the fullback. His are tore.” tae LMA BRUNHILDA was _ being courted. When her “own” would depart nightly, she would always trip lightly and hurriedly up the stairs, but her mother would be standing in the bed- room doorway and would always dart suspicious glances at her. This went on until Alma felt that it was time to assert herself. “Mother,” she said, “are you afraid to leave me alone with Reggie?” This was too much for mother, After a month or so, however, she started over again. Reggie would leave, Alma Brunhilda would fly up the steps All others at regular rates. Invaluable Advice for Tenant ° ari AND TAKE IT OUT ON THE Seikg BELOW You, Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. and there was ma casting dark looks in her direction. Again matters came to a climax. There was only one thing for her to do. So she had it bobbed A SCHOOL-TEACHER asked _ her class in what part of the world the most ignorant people were to be found. A small boy volunteered quickly, “In London, England.” The teacher was amaz tioned the lad as to where he such information. “Well,” he replied, “the geography says that’s where the population is most dense.” 1, and ques- ad obtained ery LAST summer, a young woman, a mis. sionary school-teacher, was assigned to duty in that part of the Cumbei Mountains which touches three States, where feuds are common. On her way to her post she through a region where factions were active. She was challenged—so_ it seemed to her—at every tree stump, but finally when the chief of one of the clans s convinced she was ken to his house and The next morning when ted out to walk to the main road, s wife, a lonely little creature, anied her. hould think this loneliness would be hard on you,” ed the young wo! tis, but jist Jim gits n we air gwine ter leave this isolation and sym- imed the horrifie ‘d teacher. Yes, an’ Jim’s bound ter git him, s the wi prideful answer. too,” “Has the man injured your husband so terribly “Sho’ has! band!” A the Delaware above the Ga and the river edge on "either id of Suddenly he saw something which made him drop his line and almost overturn the boat. “What's the matter?” asked the native. “Look,” his companion cried, pointing to an impending rock 500 yards away, He done kilt my fust hus- Fae MAN was fishing with a native, in about forty miles “a man just fell over that cliff. Let’s row over and see if we can’t save him.” “Aw,” drawled the native, “it may be one of those gawsh-fangled mo in’ pitcher outfits, "Sno use in rushin’.” ut how can we tell if it isn’t?” “Well, if the guy drowns, it ain’t!” ery N BOARD a train an Irishman had for some time been watching a woman who was trying to get her baby to sleep, but the little fellow persisted in s ng awake and crying. Finally the Irishman remarked: “Madam you will please pardon me, but I believe that it is board that the baby wants instead of lodging.”