Judge — September 9, 1922 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Happy, though married” My Cow and I by Walt Mason HERE are no bitters red or pink, y highballs anywhere, and to. the ; drink, my cow and I When first John Barleycorn was “Dire days have dawned, if human beings must be filled with water from the pond. Oh, care has camped upon our brows, and mankind is forlorn, when we foregather with the cows to have our morning horn.” My cow and I to bosky dells went toddling side by side, to where the strident bullfrog yells along the stream- let's tide. And = there we drank the Adam’s ale that journe Bossie soaked me with her tail, so jubilant was she. Day after day we climbed the hill, 1 ambled down the glen, and of the brooklet drank our fill, and then we drank again. And lo! I found as weeks went by, to seek their last repose, that bright and shining was my eye, decrim- soned was my nose, The ath that people used to dodge was balmy now and mild, and through the night, in my poor lodge, I slumbered like a child, My whiskers, which had lost their shine, grew lustrous once again, and in this pocket- book of mine I found some iron men. AY HEN first I traveled with my cow to pour the streamlet down, my step was dragging and my brow was darkened by a frown. But now in joyous mood we trot to get our forty drops, athwart the sunny orchard lot, and by the field of hops. The cow, she swings aloft her tail, and I let out three cheers; for we have found that Adam’s ale is better far than be I was so seedy, on a day, I called the village doc; he sized me up, the good old nd gave me pills of chalk. “No ine will make you well,” the truth- ful sawbones cried, “unless you diet for a spell, and quit meat, broiled and fried. You are lazy, slothful wight, you seldom leave your chair; re so fat you are a sight, and grease streams down your hair. Eschew all meat and live on greens, on buds and leaves and barks, or you will shortly leave these scenes—so heed my wise remarks.” And when he left I sought the cow, and said to her, “By jings, you in your wisdom taught me how to drink from ponds and springs. ‘To you I went, my bosom sore, and asked you for advice; with you I loped along the shore and lapped up melted ice. Now you must teach me how to eat, and save my worn inside, for I've been told to cut out meat, and all things baked or frie: ND so we go, my cow and I, where SV wortals seldom ‘pass; we nibble at the luscious rye, and eat the growing grass. We graze along the verdant vale, and by the misty meres, the cow uplifts and swings her tail, the while I wag my And I am feeling wondrous fine, ch day I notice gains, and in this ancient form of mine there are no aches or pains. AML light and chipper is my tread, that once was halt and galled, a topknot’s growing on my head, that lately was so bald. My cow has taught me how to drink, and also how to cat: she’s taught me more than human gink could do, so help 1 To who showed the way to health all credit I accord; my cow is doing good by stealth, and asks for no reward, eas Honeymoon’s End by Sohn D.. MeMaste SPYON'T vou dare to call me dear: You are nothing but a brute; T don’t want to see you near: T won't let vou call me cute “You were laughing when I cried: Vords make no amends. . Fm not your little bride: No, T won't make friends! “Just because we're married, vou Think that P'm your slave. You shan’t tell me what to do; We're not living in a cave. “If Tequaled you in size Let me go, you dunce! Well, if you apologi You may kiss me Perl “It's the little touches that count,” said the st. “Right aid the man with a bevy of poor relations. se “And then we had plum pudding.” I don't care much for plum pudding.” I don’t either, but it’s the spirit of the thing that counts.”