Judge — August 26, 1922 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

were Digest of the World’s Humor ILACING the talking machine on the library table, Mrs, Ravenyelp said to ad “T have an odd record here, Henry, and I want to see if you can guess what it is.” When a weird succession of began to come from the horn of the in- strument Ravenyelp knitted his brows and tried to identify the sounds. “It's a buzz saw plowing through a knot.” he ventured. “Guess again,” said Mrs. Ravenyelp. “A slide trombone in full cry.” “Hardly.” ‘at concer’ “Hoot owl with its toes in a trap.” Smiling grimly, Mrs. Ravenyelp shook her head in the negative. “Give it up,” finally said Ravenyelp. “but as a last guess I'll say it sounds very much like a siren whistle with the pip.” “T will agree that it's as bad as all you have named,” Mrs. Ravenyelp re. marked, “and hope it will save a lot o argument in the future.” “But what is it?” the other night,” replied Mrs. Ravenyelp, “to prove to you that you really do snore in your sleep and to let you know just how awful it sounds."—Youngstown Telegram. Raed “How much is beef stew?” asked the in a greasy little restaurant. said the waiter. mime on nhandlers’ special!” waiter to the chef—Birmingham Herald. bawled the Age- “Mother, there is a very fat lady who has called to see you. I have given her two chairs to sit on.”— Fliegende Blaetter (Munich). insisted Ravenyelp. 4 “It’s a record I made in your bedroom © Hub—Your bills are awfully heavy again this month, my dear. Wife—Well, of all the nerve! father still pays all my bills. That's just it. How can T have the check to ask him to meet any of mine when you're touching him up all the time?” —Boston Transcript. You k “Fechtin’ again, ye wicked lad?” “Aye, an’ I'll be at him again if he keeps on saying I wear a kilt because my feet are ower big to get into troosers!"—Passing Show (London). “ “Look, Martha.” said the daughter of the house, showing the cook a present she had re d, “I intend to put this away in my hope box. You know what that Martha? It's a box a girl puts things into in the hope that she will some day need them as a bride.” “Lawsy, chile, I knows all about dem hope boxes. I got one of my own.” Why. [ thought you were already mar- » Tis, chile, an’ my hope box is one Tis puttin? money into fas’ as T kin until T has enough to pay for a divorcement from dat wuthless Pete Jackson. Dere’s more'n one kin’ of hope box mixed up with matermony, Miss Helen."—Boston “Di essum. I done found me a nice s he a good jol “No'm. He studyin’ for de ministry. I'm gwine support him till he reads de Bible th’oo."— Birmingham Age-Herald. A MINER in Leadville, Col., on a day £% when the mercury hovered around the forty below mark, burst into a sal slapping his arms across his cl rubbing his nose and ¢ and gene! trying to keep up his circula ver to the bi and ro: Jim, give me some lemonade replied the bartender, “I'm sorry we're out of lemonade just at the moment, but I've got a pair of linen pants Tillend you Re: Sims, who told this at a banquet in Boston, insists that numerous Britishers approached him after he told it in London, and, with real curiosity, asked him, nat would he have done with the pants?”—Journal of the American Medical Association. ttt “Leonidas,” said) Mrs. Mee “1 must give you credit for one In all our married life you have never spoken an unkind word to me.” “No, Henrietta.” nd what I'm wondering is whether ve you credit for a lovely disposition or mere lack of courage.” —Washington Star. ery Tramp—Did you offer a reward for a lost dog? Lady—Yes. 1 offered $10, Have you ws of my dog? 0, not yet, but as I was just goin’ to ch for it, I'd like to have a few dollars on account.”"—Philadelphia Eve- ning Bulletin. ae8 “Aunt, dear, may I present Mr. Peter- Mr. P was born in the Canary lad to meet you, Mr. Peterson, Perhaps you will sing for us?"—Boston Post. . you love your new little sister v he Tommy (eying the baby coldly)—Yes, but I'd a good deal rather have a dog. —Boston Transcript. * Lawyer—I think T can get you a divorce madam, for crucl and inhuman treat- ment. But do you think your husband will fight the suit? Woman—Fight! Why, man, the little shrimp can’t even come into a room where Tam!—Chicago Herald. “The dwelling was to be in the latest and modern style, and as soon as we enter it the plaster falls, the windows are broken. . .” “Yes, madam, it is the latest modern style."—-Meggendorfer Blaetter (Mu- nich). - i comicbooks:com